I wonder if you remember the days before iphones, and fancy gadgets. Where, if you got drunk, the only people who had to deal with your bumbling stupidity were the people around you. But now, with thanks to rapid advancements in technology, the entire planet can now share in your idiocy, so yay! I'm not even going to judge, because we're all guilty of the notorious drunk text and I honestly don't know why we do it. My advice to you is to just throw your phone out the window and leave a shame-free life, however failing that, I suggest you at least familiarise yourself with what category of poorly thought out drunk texter you happen to fall into....
1) The Parent Text
After a couple of vodka splashes, you get the silly idea into your head that you need to text your parents letting them know you haven't been axe murdered or something. And I promise you, nothing worries a parent more than their kid sending them a message at two in the morning saying "Dnt wory im oK".
2) The Best friend Text
You don't know why you have to text your best friend, but your inebriated brain is urging you to share your drunken ramblings with poor Sarah who was probably previously fast asleep. It is technically Sunday morning, but that doesn't stop you from asking her, and I quote "do u tink iM a gud frIend?"
3) The Illegible Text
Advertisement
It's been six pints and four shots and at this point things are starting to get a little hazy. You're too drunk to dance without falling over and the couches by the dancefloor have never seemed more appealing. So why not plump your ass down and send one of your mates a completely unreadable message for them to decipher. Kinda like the Da Vinci code, but instead of being Tom Hanks, you're a twat.
4) The Bootycall Text
Oh the infamous booty call, and here I thought you were better than this. The night is quickly coming to a close and you are in danger of going home alone, so you hastily text someone you used to date. In your head you're smooth and mysterious, but there's nothing more obvious than a text at 3am saying "hey, wat are u up 2 2night?" Just stop please, you're embarrassing all of us.
5) The One To Yourself
You've had too much, I mean like way too much to drink if you're doing this one. If there's one thing more embarrassing than sending a drunk text to someone, it's waking up the next day and realising that you sent that same text to yourself (and then went on to have a full blown conversation too).
Advertisement
6) The 'I'm Lost' Text
There's something about drinking that reverts us young adults to our infant stages. Much like a kid lost at the supermarket, a drunken semi adult also panics when he or she can't find their mom, or in this case, their friend. Solution: you simply send a mass "where R U Text" to everyone in your phonebook and hope for the best.
7) The Ex Text
There's something about the alcohol that just makes you a sentimental idiot. I don't know why you think it's suitable to text your ex in the middle of the night with some soppy message about how you still think about them and miss them etc... you know you've fucked up, right?
Advertisement
8) The Emotional Epiphany Text
You've done a solid four Jack & Cokes and you have now unlocked the secrets to the universe and the human soul. As you stand there awkwardly dancing to Taylor Swift, you stumble across a world changing truth like "wow I actually don't like Nightclubs" and just HAVE to share it with somebody. ANYBODY.
9) The Random Hello
You're drunk and you're bored (which is not a good pairing). The music sucks here, and there are way too many sweaty people dancing around you. You can't find any of your friends, so there's no better time to randomly message a complete stranger for the first time. What could possibly go wrong?
10) The 'I'm So Drunk' Text
You're pissed, I mean like drunkenly walking into the men's bathroom pissed. I'm talking about telling the barman that you love him, pissed. You've reached new levels of drunkenness and you just have to share it with someone, with EVERYONE, in fact. "Omg im so fucking draaank right new".
11) The Apology Text
You are overcome with this unbearable need to apologise for an argument that happened well over a month ago. You're not too sure why the liquor is pushing for you to make amends, but it is. Next thing you know, you're writing paragraph upon paragraph, saying sorry for forgetting your mates birthday or some dumb shit like that.
Let the fear commence, I say.
