Boners Etc: 11 Awkward Moments Girls Will Never Experience

Whether it's accidentally making physical contact on a bus or being caught using lip balm, there are some awkward moments guys experience that girls simply never will. A lot of these things happen to girls too but to them, it's just whatever. For guys, it's simply crushing. Speaking of simply crushing;

1) Trying To Take A Whizz With A Boner

Girls, you will never know the hardship (literally) we go through early in the mornings. It's a little bit like trying to touch your toes, except, when you try to touch your toes, you don't usually get pee all over your ankles. Next time you're eating a banana, try and straighten it out before peeling it. It just doesn't work! Some guys just throw their junk on the sink and splash cold water on it, but others do some boner gymnastics and try to angle it. Neither method is particularly effective.

2) Getting Caught Singing Taylor Swift In The Car

A girl blaring Blank Space in her car and jamming along is just a fun-loving chick. A guy doing the same thing is a a freak of nature, who will be judged by guys and girls alike. Scientists (i.e. me) have discovered though, that if you don't act embarrassed and just let it rip, you are less likely to feel awkward. Having said that, I am the manliest man of all time, so that might just be me. Also, I love Taylor Swift.

3) Being 'Out Of Juice'

When a girl isn't in the mood in the mood for sex, she just says so and that's the end of that. Guys don't have that option. A guy physically can't say no to sex. Otherwise he would be known as 'The Guy Who Said No To Sex'. And that is something that can never be unsaid. Instead, he has to power through, which can sometimes mean a windsock flapping in the breeze. Something that girls will never know the crushing awkwardness of.

4) Being 'Just Friends' With Girls

No, no, not the friendzone. That's something that, incredibly and rarely, happens to girls as well. When you actually want to just be friends with a girl......or are at least trying to convince your mates of that when you secretly fancy them...it's just painful. "No, seriously, we're just mates!" "Nah man, you're trying to bone her! There's no way you're not trying to get in the pants of that girl you've been friends with since you were ten". The awkwardness is everlasting!

5) The Leg Hair Touch

There are few things more awkward than a guy handing you some money for a drink and you both end up awkwardly exchanging, while more or less holding hands. Or worse, being on the bus and feeling some guys leg pressing up against yours. The worst part of it is, you can't freak out about it, it's just someone's leg. So you just sit there, trying to ignore the fact that your man skin is touching another lad's man skin......incredibly awkward for all involved really.

6) Crossing The Finish Line Half An Hour Early

If a girl has an orgasm in five minutes, that's a win-win situation. Guys feel awesome for pumping them so full of sexy pleasure and the girls don't even know what the fuck is going on, they're so happy. Now switch the roles around. The one good side is the lad putting in minimal effort. But then the disapproving stare comes from the girl below. The shame of the guy as he realises he has an itchy trigger penis. And then you roll over, sit in silence for a few minutes before saying...."Do you want to watch Mad Men?"

7) Having A Boner In The Men's Changing Room

Dear Biology: Fuck You. I don't know what it is about men's changing rooms that give men such an apocalyptically huge stiffy, but it's just an unstoppable force of nature. Maybe it's the smell of cleaning agents. The way the coat hangers look like boobs (if you're fucking blind that is). Or maybe it's because your body hates you and wants a giant hairy guy to spot your hard on while you're both alone. FML. Girls, you have no idea.

8) Being Absolutely Clueless With Hairdressers

Maybe girls experience this too, but it hasn't happened to any girls I know. Going into a hairdresser and immediately evaluating the fastest way you can get back out, making as little conversation as possible. But you always have to make some don't you? "Are you busy in here?" "Heading anywhere nice on holidays?" "Where did you go to college?" "Do you wish you were anywhere else right now?....Me too."

9) Standing Next To A Guy At A Urinal

Don't look at his penis, don't look at his penis, don't look at his penis, don't look at his penis, don't look at his FUCK, size of that lad! Shit, don't look, don't look, don't look!

10) Not Being Able To Open A Jam Jar

This has happened to almost every girl and it gives them a chance to be adorable. You know what it gives guys a chance to be? A total pussy-willow. A jar of strawberry preserve should not be able to overcome a man full of testosterone. If he isn't strong enough to make a sandwich, he doesn't deserve the sandwich!