Clean Sheets And Actual Food: The Highs And Lows Of Moving Back Home

As you hastily scribbled down your last sentence in that exam and proceeded to get royally smashed, you forgot one crucial detail. The semester is over and now you're being forced to move back to one of the most terrible and dark places known to man... your family home. Here are the highs and lows of it all:

1) Day Drinking And All The Banter That Comes With It.

If you've never gone back to your dorm with a couple friends in the middle of the day to get wasted, then you my friend, are truly missing out. It was a great, albeit flimsy way to free yourself from the restraints known as 'Company Law'. Fuck that shit! We're off to play 'Never have I ever' and see where the day takes us. Now tell me how many times you've done this at home? What, never? Yeah I thought so... I can barely sit in my room without listening to my mom complain, her dramatically imagining her house being filled up with drunk teenagers, nah bruh.

2) Living That Broke Life.

Electricity. Food. Heating. What do all these mysterious enigmas have in common? I'll tell you what, they cost money and a fair amount of money, at that. Money that you really didn't really realise was necessary until you moved to college. They slowly eat away at your hard earned dollars (lol jokes we know you're living off the rents), but what it does mean is that they have less money to give to you. Money that you intended to piss away in a shitty nightclub on cheap drinks; it was a key investment opportunity that has sadly been missed. Now you're back home and flushed with cash, tell me is it really that bad? WELL?

3) The House 'Guest' Conundrum.

Let's say you're in college and you want to bring home a house 'guest'. It was a pretty simple task. You clean up your room, put some pizza in the oven while you and your 'guest' adjourn to the couch. There was no mother figure embarrassing you in front of said 'guest', asking you two how you knew each other, maybe even inquiring to whether or not you were dating. More importantly there was no knocking on your door ruining the mood you had worked so hard to establish for your 'guest'. "WE'RE JUST WATCHING TV MOM GOD"

You're big boys and girls now, you can figure this one out...

4) Living the Life of Luxury.

Moving back home for summer essentially means trading day old pizza for your mammas signature fried rice. It is literally a food-orgasm in your mouth, and you're not even being dramatic. Your dirty clothes magically become clean again, and appear neatly folded on your bed, no questions asked. You don't know what mystical creature is doing all these good deeds or why he only helps you when you're at home, but you appreciate that magical wizard and the hard work she carries out. Unlike your mom who DOES NOTHING, GOD MOM!

5) Sweet Freedom and Glorious Escape

At home you wake up kicking and screaming as your mom dragged the covers off you and you're met with the cold icy fingers of death. Am I being dramatic? Nah I don't think so... In college you wake up butt naked to the soothing melodies of Hozier blaring through the speakers on your phone. It's peaceful, it's beautiful and it's freedom. Sweet glorious freedom. It's the kind of freedom where there's no governing body looking over your shoulder disturbing the peace. The kind of freedom where you can spend the whole day naked to your delight and your roommates dismay. Bruh if you got it, you flaunt it.

Dafe Orugbo
Article written by
Dafe once went streaking in the middle of the day for the promise of a 4in1. He is in possession of a spectacular ass, and considers himself quite the suave "Motha-Fucka". He studies English and Law in Maynooth University, but rarely attends classes because he is; and I quote - "Too busy mackin them bishes". His love for appletini's is only outweighed by his love for appletini's. Be warned if you ever encounter Dafe in the real world, he will probably turn you to the darkside *whispers* black people...

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