College Pickups: 3 Steps to Successfully Sealing The Deal

College Pickups returns to share more wise insights into the mystery that is 3rd level dating. The art of 'closing' is both an ancient and elusive concept which has puzzled mankind for millennium. History tells us that even prehistoric cavemen were baffled as to what the most effective method of seduction was. Well Ladies and Gentleman (mostly gentleman because those damn societal norms dictate that men should make the first move *shakes fist at God*), I have the answer to this generation defining question. Watch your step when you get up kids, cause I'm about to drop some knowledge.

Step 1) Talk, Converse, Flirt.

There's this common misconception among college students that if they just go out and say a couple choice words to an attractive stranger, they'll happily agree to come back to your house and let you sex them...nah bruh. Not to say that this feat is impossible, just fairly rare. In reality you're most likely to get with someone if they know you. Now I'm not saying be their best friend but rather be a familiar face, an attractive acquaintance that they pass in the library and exchange subtle smiles with. BE SEEN. BE VOCAL. The key is to familiarize yourself with the people you want to hook up with, maybe even over some terribly overpriced coffee (looking at you Starbucks).

Step 2) Go Out and Get Wasted.

Okay you've completed Step 1 and are now a familiar face and casual acquaintance with a number of possible sexual partners. Step 2, GET WASTED. Well okay maybe not wasted, we at College Times do not condone nor condemn excessive drinking. However, the majority of college sexual encounters start/occur on nights out. Your goal is to be fun, energetic and essentially just look like a good time. Dance with bouncers, buy random strangers shots and make drunken friends in the bathroom. You are the life of the party, they see that and now you have to capitalise on that. Walk up, dance with them a little and then go for it. Don't worry I'll wait *A suitable amount of time passes* Did you shift them? Yes? Good! but you're not out of the woods yet...

Step 3) Now make your request. 

It's time to participate in the ancient magical act of misdirection. You want to have sex with this person and seeing as you stuck your tongue down their throat they probably know that too. But you can't just come out and say it; think of how awkward and uncomfortable it'll be for everyone involved. "Hey would you like to come back to my house and have sex with me"? admit it, you cringed a little bit. So the solution is quite simple; you lie. Now normally I would NEVER recommend lying to get with someone, but this is a unique lie due to the fact that she will know you're lying. You're performing a magic trick that's all; she know's it's not real but decides to buy into the facade. Regardless of how cliche and obvious asking someone back for 'Netflix and to chill' is, it's also very effective. It makes what you're about to ask appear to be a lot classier than it actually is. However, be warned if they do come back to your place and only intend to watch Netflix and chill, you better be respectful and sit your thirsty ass on that couch.

Dafe Orugbo
Article written by
Dafe once went streaking in the middle of the day for the promise of a 4in1. He is in possession of a spectacular ass, and considers himself quite the suave "Motha-Fucka". He studies English and Law in Maynooth University, but rarely attends classes because he is; and I quote - "Too busy mackin them bishes". His love for appletini's is only outweighed by his love for appletini's. Be warned if you ever encounter Dafe in the real world, he will probably turn you to the darkside *whispers* black people...

You may also like

Facebook messenger