Height is great. Girls always say they want a tall guy, to make them feel small. That's all well and good, but if you're much taller than average, you realise this world wasn't constructed with your lanky frame in mind. Here are some of the daily struggles of being tall.
"You've Grown So Much!"
"No. No I haven't. I'm twenty-two and I've been the exact same height for the last 4 years. I would understand if I hadn't seen you in 5 years, but I saw you last week. Now fuck off Aunty Alice."
Intricate movements make you look like a contortionist doing an impression of a pretzel. Cue that portion of your lower back making a cameo appearance and your sleeves riding up to your elbows. Not a good look.
Riding A Bicycle
If you're really tall, riding a bicycle just looks ridiculous. Your trousers ride up to shin-height and you're all elbows and knees. You look like something out of an Abbott & Costello sketch. Once again, not a good look.
Showering Can Be Awful
Nothing is worse than crouching under a showerhead, trying to get that sweet, sweet water on your noggin. It really does suck. Think Bill Murray in Lost in Translation and you'll have some idea of the suffering.
Why do they make beds so small? It serves no purpose. If your feet go over the edge of a bed, you won't be comfortable and you have to assume the fetal position in order to sleep. Plus, when you tell people the bed was too short for your legs, they genuinely think there's something wrong with your genetic make-up.
Low Door Frames
The bane of my existence. Try navigating your way through a rural Irish house built before 1960. The operative word here is 'try', because you won't succeed. Not without a multitude of headbumps and expletives anyway.
You'd Be Great At Basketball
Being tall does not imply sporting prowess. Leave. Me. Alone.
Clothes Are Impossible
Trying to find clothes to suit your impossible frame is... well, impossible. Waist is good? Then the length is about 5 inches off. Length is good? Then the waist would fit another human body. Fuck my actual life.
"So how tall are you?"
*Sigh* "I'm 6"5 mate." "Jesus really!? What's the weather like up there? Did you fall asleep in a greenhouse?"
That's right, laugh it up.
"Oh you go to the back!" or "Oh you kneel at the front!" Standard stuff. Your freakish frame has to be crumpled at the front or elongated and hidden at the back. Also, your head will be cropped out of photos to accommodate other people's feet.
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