It's Definitely You: Signs You're A Terrible Date

Has your dating life been less than satisfactory lately? Have you been on a few dates but nothing came of them? Have you ever considered the problem might be you, not the people you're dating? You are the only common denominator. Maybe you're just a terrible date. Have a look at our checklist and find out...

1) You're Always Late

You never arrive on time, because maybe you don't want to seem eager. You think being late creates intrigue about yourself. Trust me, it doesn't, it just pisses people off. Maybe you're a terrible timekeeper or didn't give yourself enough time to get ready. Maybe you just didn't respect your date enough to bother getting there on time. Whatever the reason, you're starting the date with a terrible first impression. And first impressions count.

2) You Spend The Whole Time On Your Phone

What are you doing on it? Are you talking to another date? Just unplug for half a fucking second. Your date took time out of their life to give you a chance, the least you could do is turn your phone on silent for the evening. You can check it in the bathroom or when your date goes to the bathroom. This is common courtesy. Respect the person you're with and don’t let yourself get distracted by screens. You spend your whole life on your phone, on Facebook, scrolling the internet. You can make it through one evening offline, I promise.

3) You Didn't Dress Up

If you show up looking like you rolled out of bed and don't put any effort into your appearance, how do you expect your date to show any genuine interest in you? Iron your clothes, wear something nice or at least something clean. It doesn’t have to be a suit or a fancy dress, but at least take a shower and try to appear as if you made an effort.

4) You Only Talk About Yourself

If you spend the entire date talking about yourself and how awesome you are, you’re a terrible date. No questions asked. If you want to talk about yourself, go date yourself you arrogant turd. Ask your date about what they are into, find out what they like, get to know them. That's why you're there, right? To find someone you might connect with. If you can only connect with yourself, go home and talk to a mirror. A date should involve a conversation, back and forth. Listen, idiot.

5) You Won't Shut Up About Your Ex


There may come a point in the conversation when an ex is brought up. Sure, you should discuss them, but briefly. If you spend a long time discussing how great or terrible your ex was, you come across either bitter or not over them. Not a great impression for a first date.

6) You’re Rude To The Waiting Staff

Clicking your fingers and complaining about everything is rude. Do you want to come across as a dick? If you're rude to staff, your date will get the impression that you're rude in general. You certainly won't seem suave, determined or confident, like the James Bond character you imagine yourself to be. Nobody likes bad service, but if you go out of your way to berate them for making mistakes, you’re probably not going to get a second date. Guaranteed.

7) You’re Critical of Everything

No one likes listening to someone moan about everything, especially on a date. If you can't stop yourself from ranting, try reeling it in. You don't really need to complain about how fucked the country is, politics, religion and whatever else you decide is wrong with the world. Keep things positive and fun. All they're going to remember from the night is how critical you were about everything and everyone. Do you really think that's the sort of person they'll want to see again?


8) You Don't Have The Money For The Bill

I'm all for people splitting the bill, the whole thing about guys paying is a tad old-fashioned. However, be prepared to be able to cover at least half. If you don't even have enough for half, it just makes it seem like you went out to get a free meal. Don't even try the whole thing of pretending you 'forgot' your wallet. No one believes you. If the other person insists on paying and never even makes a gesture you should split the check, you should still have enough to cover your half. At least thank them and offer to pay for drinks somewhere else. Don't be a cheapskate.

9) You're A Mess

You might have been really nervous so drank a lot and ended up plastered. Slurring your words and falling around the place is not an attractive look. Try and hold your liquor if you've any hope of getting a second date or even a kiss at the end of the night...

10) You Expect To Get Sex

Just because someone agreed to go on a date with you, that does not mean that they are going to sleep with you. Not only does this make you a bad date, it also makes you out to be a complete arrogant dick. A date can just be a date. Behave yourself and don't suggest sex unless you're feeling a good vibe. If they aren't looking you in the eye, are sighing a lot or checking the time, they want to get away from you. If it doesn't go that way, that's cool, dating can be a hit and miss sport. Enjoy the night for what it was and don't be so presumptuous. If you haven’t been laid for a long time or have been in a relationship, your desperation is going to be pretty obvious. So calm down and just enjoy the night and if it goes well, you never know, you might just get lucky tonight.

Rebecca Fox
Article written by
Becky Fox is a fun loving foxy lady who will never apologise for who she is. All about girl power and Lara Croft cosplay. A freak in the sheets and a bitch on the streets. Don't cross her, she has enough wit in her pinky to reduce you to tears. Fan of beanies and sunglasses and doing whatever, or whoever, the fuck she wants.

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