F*ck You Universe! Shit That Can Ruin A College Girl's Day

Being a woman can be awesome. But there are so many things that can so easily ruin your day.  We know guys have it tough too. Like the unexpected and unwanted boner in public. We know you've got your shit too. We're all masses of emotions and insecurities and the pressure to have your shit together often makes us lose control. But us women have some problems unique to our sex that can suddenly and irrevocably destroy our day. We could be stressed about the upcoming mid-terms and we're trying to look like we've got our shit together but unfortunately the universe is conspiring against us. And the universe can be a heartless bitch. The world can be a cruel cruel place my friends. But nature craves balance and this is why we have alcohol and cake.

1.Accidentally using conditioner before shampoo in the shower....you should have just not bothered washing your hair. It will be greasier than it was before.

2. Deciding to wear your cute new top that makes you feel fabulous, only to discover when you take it out of your wardrobe that your sister/roommate borrowed it and left deodorant/food stains on it or ripped it. Bitches. Now you have to rummage through your wash basket and find something suitable that doesn't smell like BO.

3. Realizing you are all out of deodorant, or forgetting to put on deodorant.

4. Can't find your hairbrush or your hair just will not cooperate today.

5. Wearing tights and they start falling down. There is nothing you can do without a bathroom nearby. There is no ladylike way to pull up your skirt and fix your tights. Now you're waddling around like a penguin. You're just going to have to put up with it for the next few lectures.

6. Getting a hole in those tights, and watch in horror as the ladder gets bigger and bigger and the leg hair stubble you were so cleverly concealing with said tights starts to become visible and you instantly feel like a female yeti monster.

7. Bra unhooking itself or strap snapping. Now both your boobs and your bra are falling around the place. It's more uncomfortable than it was in the first place. You've weird lumps under your top and you feel exposed...

8. When you have to say goodbye to your favourite and trustworthy bra, and now have to go bra shopping. Maybe even get measured. The horror.

9. Falling on your face while wearing heels. Even if you're totally sober. Now you're both hurt, your shoes are ruined, and everyone assumes that you're plastered. Brilliant. Plus you'll probably fall in front of the hot guy or cool professor.

10. If you're in a mood because things have not gone your way today and some idiot says that you must be on your period. Prick. It doesn't even matter if he's right. He's a prick.

11. Getting you're period and not having any tampons or pads so you have to make one out of toilet paper that is scratchy and hurts.

12. Not realizing your period has come and then having to relegate your undies to the period time section of your underwear drawer. Because you ruined them. With blood. Thanks Mother Nature. Also cramps. Why must you hurt so?

13. When your period is late and you immediately think you're pregnant. Even though there is absolutely no possible way you could be. Either that or you have ovarian cancer. You know stressing about it will not make it come any faster. You immediately start thinking of how your life will be with a little baby in your arms. See you college.

14. Getting your period on the first day of classes, on the day of a class trip, when you're about to go away with your boyfriend. Now you get to deal with all that stuff plus stomach cramps and unstoppable bleeding from an orifice which you have no control over. Just fantastic.

15. Getting a smear test. Fucking hurts and is invasive. If you have an appointment that is all you'll be able to think about all day.

16. Thinking that you look beyond fabulous then pass a window and in the reflection notice you've a huge lump in your hair do/black smudge under your eye that looks like you're the living dead.

17. Lipstick or lip-gloss on your teeth. Or getting food stuck in your teeth and not noticing until after you were talking to that cute guy in your tutorial or your professor. You now look like a doofus. Congratulations.

18. When anyone says you look tired. Well you know what? You look like an asshole.

19. When you go to use the toilet and someone left the toilet seat up. So, depending on the size of your ass, you either fall in or whack yourself with the ceramic sides. Those few seconds of uncertainty before impact are terrifying.

 

20. Visible panty lines and/or wedgies.

 

21. Bikini line regrowing. Fucking bitch itches! No chance of getting lucky for a few nights with that itchy red mess.

22. Wearing that skirt/dress that makes you feel so cute and feminine - only to have the wind destroy all your illusions. Exposing everyone to the comfy granny panties you wore to prevent panty line and wedgies.

 23. Realizing that the skirt/dress you are wearing is shorter than you first realized and spend the entire day pulling it down and believing everyone can see your girlie underwear.

24. Tucking your skirt into your underwear by accident...so unbelievably mortifying.....especially if you walk half way across campus before you realize...face-palm.

25. Some really hot guy waves at you and you wave back acting all flirting only to realize he's waving at his friend who's right behind you. Hide me now.

26. Deciding to cut your own hair and having to deal with the consequences until you've time to get a hairdresser to fix it.

 

27. Wet nail polish. Just finished your nails then need to pee. Undoing your jeans means undoing your manicure.

28. A random hook up occurs and everything is going really well until the undressing scene happens and you realize you haven't shaved in about two weeks....shit. 'Can we dim the lights?'

29. When you go to the bathroom and there's no toilet paper left - we can't shake it dry.

30. Needing to do a number two in a public bathroom but not being able to because there are too many other women there. And they will judge you. Distract them with with coughing or wait until someone puts on the hand-dryer and just deal with the uncomfortable stomach cramps.