What To Do When Your Friend Is Dating An Asshole

Everyone goes through a phase when they genuinely believe it is a good idea to voluntarily spend time and emotions on a dickhead. However when it's your BFF dating him and not you, things can get complicated. While you want what's best for them, you can end up coming across as the asshole in the situation. So, here's what to do in the unfortunate event that your best mate rocks up one day with a Spencer Pratt in tow...

Tread Carefully At The Beginning


In the very early days of him being around, keep it zipped. You may not get great vibes off him (he "forgot his wallet" the last two times in the pub, right whatever) but look, she might be back swiping though Tinder next week. Give the guy a chance, he may just be a bit dickish when he's nervous. Some people take longer to warm up and be themselves than others. Keep your gob shut for the time being.

Be Civil To Him


Probably don't go in for the  "OMG your man-bun is so cool, it doesn't look fucking stupid at all" shite. Say that in your head like. When you actually have to tolerate his presence, just try not to make it obvious that you can't stand the sight of him. It'll just give the asshole ammunition to not like you and your mate, blinded by love/lust/whatever, will listen to him even if she denies it.


Remind Her What A Healthy Relationship Should Be Like*


This can sound extremely patronising and condescending and erupt into a row where she will say, "So you don't like him?!" And you say, "Of fucking course not! You are lovely and he is a creepy, snaky little piece of shit!" End of friendship. And no one wants this. So gently explain that when you love someone it's totally fine to be upset but if that's what you are the majority of the time, well then you're not with a very nice person.


*Do this with the aid of vodka/your alcohol of choice


Put Yourself In Her Shoes


Has she been with anyone before? Is her self-confidence low? What does she see in him? It's so easy to sit back and judge other people actions but like, you're not them. They have their own reasons. Okay maybe reasons that you can't understand but you can't force your opinion on anyone. And before you do, take a moment just to see things from her point of view.

Say Your Piece Then Back Off



There's nothing worse than someone making their point, and then droning on and fucking on about it. Like, ok, we get it, stfu now. She's asked for your advice, you've been honest and told her straight. Brilliant. But leave it there. What's the point in having the same convo fifty times. She'll be sick of hearing the same shit and you'll be getting more frustrated saying it. You're getting too involved. Stop.

Be a BFF


Do you really wanna lose a good friend over a stupid asshole? She's been there for you when things have been crap. She's in a tricky situation now and she might need you. Put all your own opinions to one side and just be a friend. She knows how you feel about him now so she might be hesitant to talk to you about any problems, or the good stuff between them. A bottle of cheap wine and a load of junk food will solve all.

Whatever The Case, DON'T Badmouth Him


To anyone. Not just her but mutual friends, people in college/work/randomers on the bus. It somehow always gets back to them. Ditto if they break up. It's so tempting to be like "what a fucking loser he was" until a week later and they love each other again and you're like shittt. Not worth it. Just ride it out and leave the meddling to someone else like her mother.

Aoife Loughnane

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