"What Happened Last Night?" - Paranoid Hangover Thoughts

A lot of people think there are two states of mind after a night out: hungover and fine. But that's not true. Anyone experienced in the way of hangovers knows there are many layers to hangovers. And just before the worst, I-wish-I-were-dead, hangover from hell is that paranoid hangover. Where you keep thinking of things you may or may not have done the night before, things you may have stolen, money you might have spent, or people you might have mauled the face off of. Welcome to the mind of the paranoid, hungover student.

1) "I definitely flashed someone on the street last night."



2) "Was I in a tree?....I remember blue lights and sirens...."




3) "My mouth tastes like stomach acid. But there's no sick anywhere......where was I sick? I was definitely sick in a building!"



4) "My knuckles are bleeding. I think I got in a fight last night.....4 hours later...... Oh wait, I punched a bus stop!"




5) "Holy shit, there's a massive hole in the crotch of my pants! How long was that there......?"

6) ".......what's that? Is that the DVD menu music for Ghostbusters? Is someone watching Ghostbusters? Or was it me? Am I the only one here?"



7) "Oh shit. Why is my webcam on?"




8) "That is a lot of receipts on my bedside drawer. A lot of receipts, and a lot of brown coins.....I think I spent two weeks wages last night."



9) "Who did I tell I was in love with last night? Who was I out with last night?"




10) "I can't dance. I know I can't dance. And now that I've dropped a girl on her head on the floor, everyone else is going to know I can't dance either."

11) "My head is killing that blood? Is that glass? Did I headbutt a train last night?"




12) "Oh wow, who's in the bathroom? I got some last night. Oh.....hello manager, who I work for part-time."



13) "Was I online last night? I think I was. Let's see, Facebook status: "Have you ever farted so hard you shat?". One person likes this. Dammit Mom!"




14) "....exactly how racist was I last night?"



15) "My head actually feels fine. And my, actually fine. All of my hangover seems to have localized in my arm.....what's this receipt for? Tattoo Inc..... Oh"




16) "I think I was in a porno last night. There's glitter everywhere!"



17) "Was I.....crying at Enrique Inglesias last night?"




18) "Was I being stupid last night? I think I asked a lot of stupid questions. Did I? What did I say? Oh man, why did I ask that guy how many fights he'd been in? He was from fucking Glasgow! I could have been killed...."



19) "27 missed calls.......I don't know this number......oh shit, what did I break, or promise to buy? Please don't let this be the mafia!"




20) "I remember everything from last night, that's weird. Wait, I got home....picked up an electric razor.....oh God, what happened next?! Where am I missing hair?!"



21) "I punched Liam Neeson last night! I remember that! He was in the flat....wait...he was on a screen. A TV screen.....oh, shit!"



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Stephen Hill
Article written by
I like everything everything that was big in the 80's: Meatloaf power ballads, video games with swords and dragons, cartoons about anthropomorphic animals solving crimes and movies with Bill Murray in them. I know nothing about any sports, with the exception of Quidditch. I'm also fond of tea, the occasional custard cream and support the Browncoats

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