We all know the polite conversations you can have with someone in a bookshop or a cafe. "Do I know you from somewhere, that's a great top, can I ask your advice, etc". But that's not what we say when we're absolutely hammered is it? We say quite literally the first thing that comes into our head and we don't give a shit about the consequences. Here are just a few of the best conversations starters to use when you are drunk out of your mind;
1."Do you think the guy in the guys toilets and the girl in the girls toilets are brother and sister?"
2. "Have you ever been inside a washing machine before?"
3. "Do you think you'll still be having sex when you're 90?"
4. "Where's the least attractive place to have hair? I'd say it's the tongue."
5. "What's the most offensive thing that you find funny?"
6. "Is there anything you don't know and have left far too long to ask? Like, who the hell even is Al Gore?!"
7. "I'll bet you're from a foreign country."
8. "What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard of anyone being scared of?"
9. "I heard Benedict Cumberbatch was here, have you seen him yet? He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and thing.....thong!"
10. "Do you think they'd let me back in here with a bag of chips? Fuckin' starvin'!"
11. "Christ, this floor is sticky!"
12. "How many guys in this place would you say are going to get rode tonight? I'd say one."
13. "I can't believe Harry Potter only got off with two girls in school. Poor lad."
14. "I wish they let dogs in here. I genuinely think I'd prefer dogs to every person in here.... What do you think?"
15. "I can't decide whether to name this drink after you or my Sims character..."
16. "I am way taller/smaller than you!"
17. "Can you imagine what it'd be like to have a fake arse?"
18. "I am so demented drunk, I think I might have to steal something on the way home. Suggestions??"
19. "Can you show me how to take a selfie? I keep taking photos of my chins!"
20. "Have you got any embarrassing tattoos?"
21. "Do you think we could set the bartender up with his soul mate if we tried hard enough?"
22. "Do you know if there are any sweet shops open near here?"
23. ""Who do you think would win in a fight? Kim Kardashian or Spiderman?"
24. "Do you think Bambi became a bit of an alcoholic after his mother died? We never see what happens directly after, like."
25. "Isn't 'Google' a really weird name, when you think about it?"
26. "I'm dying for a pack of Smarties."
27. "I just shifted someone outside there....did you know them?"
28. "I'll bet my mates are better than yours."
29. "I fully wish the Walking Dead was real so I didn't have to go to work at the weekend."
30. "I saw what you did there, you sneaky brute."
31. "Imagine trying to explain this sort of craic to a five year old? He would not get it at all."
32. "I wish there was a nightclub you could wear slippers in."
33. "I'm fairly sure the DJ is the mayor of Mexico."
34. "If we were to hit it off and fly to America like, right now.....do you think that's something we could actually do? Like, the buses aren't running, so we'd need a taxi first..."
35. "I'm genuinely so upset that Sabrina The Teenage Witch isn't on TV anymore. Aren't you?!"
36. "Do you think eyebrows are considered facial hair?"
37. "Do you think if a taxi driver drove backwards, he'd actually owe us money?"
38. "You look pretty fit. Can I ask you a personal question?...if you were jogging, and you ran at the speed of sound, would you still be able to hear your iPod?"
39. "Have any of the fortune cookies you've read come true?"
40. "You know the way the most important people have only one name? Like, God? Or....Drake?"
41. "Imagine everyone in here was suddenly a cartoon? How would you even deal?"
42. "I really want to swear at this guy, but I need a funny swear word. The best I have is knob-jockey!"
43. "What was your favourite game that came with Windows 95? Were you even born back then?"
44. "I cannot wait for Halloween. What are you dressing up as this year?"
45. "Which do you think is the most evil biscuit? If they had feelings and all, I mean. Probably a Jammy Dodger, right?"
46. "Imagine you had amnesia and didn't know it? Hi, by the way."
47. "What's the best Saturday morning cartoon intro?"
48. "Can you do any weird stuff?"
49. "Whatever you do, don't make eye contact with the girl behind you. Just be cool for a second! I'll buy you a drink. What's your name?"