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'Holy Cabinet' That Resembles The Virgin Mary Was Headline News In Kerry This Week

'Holy Cabinet' That Resembles The Virgin Mary Was Headline News In Kerry This Week

2019 years ago, a certain Jesus Christ was born in the Middle East - there were also a significantly larger number of births of less important babies that, frankly, lie outside the purview of this article. This young fellow was, according to a group of people who refer to themselves as 'Christians', the son of god. They maintain that god sent his son - his only son - to be sacrificed as a sign of his love for all humans - broadly, but, more specifically, and in practice, just Christians. This was a pretty ballsy move by any standard, to sort of ethereally impregnate a Middle Eastern woman with a demi-god. Should you have been knocking about around this time and encountered Jesus and his whole situation - at face value - one imagines you'd buy into the whole vibe of things, relatively easily.

Since then however, god has been rather more circumspect in his PR dealings with us - perhaps because we murdered his child using a primitive form of torture. Instead of again sending down any members of his immediate - or even extended family - to whip up some hype for himself, he has become rather more abstruse in the allusions he's apparently proffered to verify his own existence. Now, the closest we'll get to a sign from god is perhaps a vague likeness of Jesus that has accidentally been burnt onto a piece of toast, or, in the case of one antique shop in Kerry, some wood-grain that happens to be somewhat reminiscent of the silhouette of the Virgin Mary.

This is what has made front-page in the local Kerry newspaper, Kerry's Eye. They have made, front and centre of their latest issue, a story about an antique cabinet for sale in a shop called Vintage Vendors which bears a wood-grain pattern that bears a passable resemblance to the Virgin Mary.

Word of the cabinet began to get round after a post made on the shop's Facebook page about the cabinet in September gained some attention. As seems entirely fair and reasonable, this attention has caused this cabinet - an inanimate wooden object - to become a point of pilgrimage. Kerry's Eye further mentions in an ensuing Tweet that devotees have started coming to the store to 'rub holy medals against it'. I can only imagine that the point of this is to recharge the medal's holiness levels?

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This has instantly become the most Irish thing to have ever occurred. It instantly transcends all other supposed pinnacles of Irish cultural expression; shifting someone wearing a GAA jersey behind a shed in Irish college; using about three litres of PVA glue to try mash some grass together into the shape of a St. Brigid's Cross; sectarian violence. They all now fall far behind this - a regional Kerry paper reporting on a holy cabinet that has somehow become a point of pilgrimage.

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Rory McNab

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