Hungover Pizza Providers & Non Bus W*ankers: Not All Heroes Wear Capes

It's true when they say that not all heroes wear capes. I don't see Amy Schumer going around Hollywood with one on, do you? The everyday heroes are just as important as the big ones, so let's not forget about the little guys. The guys who make you smile, and tweet about what happened. After all, most superheroes go about their day in disguise, so take a look at these average Clark Kents and notice how they may actually be Superman after all:

1) The person who holds the bus for you.

They make the bus driver wait for you as you bomb it down the road, sweaty as fuck. Everyone will see what an unfit potato you are, but at least you won't be late. Thank you, kind stranger.

2) The bouncer who lets you in with no I.D.

He saved you from wandering aimlessly and drunkenly around town trying to find somewhere else to go, all because you didn't bring your student card. How noble of him.

3) The taxi driver who rounds down.

The fare says 31.02, but he just asks for 30. SOUND MAN.

4) The person in the group who notices you talking, and laughs at your pathetic joke.

I don't know who can ever successfully navigate a group conversation because that shit is hard. God bless the people who see you trying to work your way in there with a pathetic joke, smile and laugh at it. God bless you, my child.

5) The take-away guy.

Need I say more? He saves me at least, once three times a week.

6) The person who lends you their charger in the library.

They must be Superman because they recognised the look of panic on your face as your search your bag all too loudly in the library, and realise you left your charger at home because you're a fucking idiot.

7) The person who gives you change on the bus.

When you're a culchie who is up in the Big Shmoke for a day trip, you're obviously not aware of the correct bus etiquette. Paper money is a no no. So thank God for the person who saves them from awkwardly shoving their tenner in the bus driver's face, while turning the shade of a tomato.

8) The pharmacist who pretends to not recognise you when you get the Morning After pill... again.

It's not the first time they've seen this hungover face at the desk, and probably won't be the last. Thank you for pretending it is the first time.

9) The guys in clubs who back away when you say you're not interested.


10) The people who record YouTube tutorials on how to twerk.

Otherwise my skills in da club would be severely lacking.

11) The people who always like your profile picture, without doubt.

There truly are saints among us, after all.

12) The car that stops for you when you didn't check both sides.

I know I was taught to always look both ways but sometimes I don't have enough time to when I'm in the middle of a mental music video, in my head. And by then I'm halfway across the road when I realise at least four cars have stopped, and essentially saved my life. *tips hat*

13) The person who doesn't correct you when you pronounce something wrong.

You know, and they know that you meant to say specific but you said pacific. Cue mortal embarrassment as you try and cover up the mistake, and the person doesn't call you out on it. FRIEND.

14) The person who hands in your purse to lost and found.


15) The guy who ignores your queefs.

Let's just pretend it neeeeeveeeer happened.

16) The person in Subway who gives you extra toppings for free.

I will personally hand you your cape, you deserve it young grasshopper.

17) The tutor who lets you sleep in the tutorial, hungover.

I'll pay you back, I swear.

Clodagh McMeel
Article written by
Self-confessed cat lady, Clodagh is known for her sneezing and laziness. She is most often found on the couch or in bed, usually accompanied by her laptop and pizza. When she isn't doing nothing, she studies English and French in Maynooth. But that's very rare.

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