You're not too sure when it happened; maybe it was the excessive binge watching of 'Sex In The City' or perhaps your insistent quoting of 'Breaking Bad' just became too much BITCH. Regardless of what the cause may be, all you know now is that you're sick. Unfortunately, you've been infected with a serious case of the basics. You went from being a unique individual to a boring cliche caricature in a flash. But there is hope. I've compiled a list of actions that may combat your basic bitch/bro tendencies. So put away your ridiculous pink full body tracksuit, and super sexy snapback because I'm here to help...
How To Tell If You're A Basic Bro:
1) You shop exclusively in Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch.
You're going on a night out, quick what are you going to wear!?... Oh a tight plain coloured T-shirt and a pair of brown chinos. Do you have anything else in your wardrobe? Didn't think so. Wait, aren't you afraid you're just going to look like everyone else there....oh that's fine by you anyway? Great stuff brother. Cure: It's pretty simple...just stop being a douchebag and do something new. Burst free from that little bland bubble you've made for yourself, I hear Topman have some cool stuff. *Hint*
2) You have an unhealthy obsession with sports.
Listen, if you're seeing Man United play more than you're seeing your girlfriend, you know there's a problem. Mata's great and all but I doubt he'll mount you any time soon. Cure: Pick up a book or read a newspaper, just diversify your social portfolio and talk about other things...that aren't grown men playing with balls. (Sorry)
3) The Gym is 'Your Life'.
We get it, you like lifting heavy things, do you want a medal? Cure: There's nothing wrong with liking the gym, just learn to, you know, shut the fuck up about it. There, I said it, now please don't hit me...
4) You're a self-proclaimed DJ.
Possessing the minute 'skills' it takes to mix a track does not make you a DJ. No, I don't want to share your new 'song' or like your page. Please just sit your overly ambitious ass down, you've been doing this for like 2 minutes, you're not only embarrassing yourself but also all the REAL Dj's of the world. Cure: Don't brag about something you haven't yet accomplished, make something noteworthy then come back to me. Or don't, preferably.
5) You're constantly trying to impress someone.
You go on and oooon about how many girls you smashed last night or how wicked your dance moves are. Your favourite subject is clearly yourself, and you have no problem acting as such. We get it, you think you're easily the coolest person alive. But there's literally nobody around, who exactly are you trying to impress Cure: Stop being such a thirsty attention whore. Learn some humility and you should be okay, probably.
How To Tell If You're A Basic Bitch
1) You're in a Romantic Relationship with Starbucks.
You LOOOOVE Starbucks, the chain dominates your Facebook and Instagram. Most people would be able to get a coffee without posting roughly 68 tweets, but not you. You feel that if you don't give Starbucks enough attention, he'll break up with you the moment you stop lavishing him with attention and he should, you're terrible. Cure: Enjoy all the overpriced coffee you want, just don't bore us with #instayum pictures of your Saturday Frappucappucinoicedlatte.
2) You Take a shameless amount of selfies.
New Haircut Selfie! New Boyfriend Selfie! New Pencil Selfie! Okay it's enough, you're pretty and all but even you must be getting sick of seeing your own face. I hope. Cure: Don't be such a thirst trap. Just take fewer selfies and free yourself from your basic bitch restraints. Free us all, in fact.
3) Taylor Swift is your Idol.
You think Taylor swift is the pinnacle of everything amazing in the world. You have all her albums, posters, merchandise, pictures of her on your phone and you probably even think of her during sex. Face it, that's a little creepy. Cure: We all agree Taylor Swift is pretty awesome, but don't be obsessive. You're pretty cool too. So take off that blonde wig and start doing your own thing. No seriously, do it now.
4) You own a Full Body Pink Tracksuit.
A bright pink jacket and a pair of pants with the word 'Juicy' stamped across it. What on earth possessed you to buy this stuff? Cure: Burn it, burn it all.
5) The Notebook is your Bible.
Without fail every time you watch this film you just HAVE to become a blubbering teary eyed mess. You're not too sure why it has such a strong effect on you, maybe it's because he loves her and she loves him (or some shit like that). Next thing you know you're meticulously trying to turn your boyfriend into a less attractive version of Ryan Gosling. Bound to work, right? Cure: Once you realise that your love life will never be that of the film, and truly accept that Ryan Gosling is way out of your league, you should be fine. Chin up chuck.
Remember it's okay to be a little basic, but everything in moderation right?
