Cons
1. No One Will Be Able to Pronounce Your Name
God help you if you're a Ruadhri or a Siobhan...
2. Sarcasm Just Doesn't Work
'I will yeah...'
'Ok, so I'll see you then?'
'Ya will...'
The only language where a double positive is an infinitive no.
3. Assume You're Related
'My great, great, great grandmothers dog came from County Cork. We could be cousins!'
'No. No we are not.'
Shite we probably are.
4. The Food
One thing that we do good in Ireland is our quality of food. I have lived and travelled in quite a few places and not to go too into the Irish stereotype but I have never found a country to have potatoes or milk like at home. Sure you can't BATE A GOOD SHPUD!
5. Guinness
Because you're Irish you must drink Guinness no? What's worse is when someone thinks you won't be friends because they don't like a bit of the black stuff.
'I, I'm sorry but I don't drink Guinness, I'll go now...'
6. The Heat
It doesn't matter if you're tanned or if you look like a child of the night and have never actually seen sun, you can always spot an Irish person sweating their bollicks off in the sun. What's worse is we can't just admit it, we are adamant that we love the sun.
'Shade? Are ya mad, no I'll just sit out here during the siesta when it's even too hot for the locals.'
7. Roaming
As a nation what are we not getting about mobile phone roaming? Seriously!
'MAM! This is costing me a fortune, I've got to go. Ya I know you rang me but I'm roaming! I've got to go, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
8. Everyone Assumes You're an Alcoholic
9. No One Really Understands You
'Sure we'll go for the craic and see what it's like'
'I, I don't take drugs'...
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_manxt3CV0U1r76lino1_500.gif
10. Tea
No fuck off with your Twinings Black Tea. Just give me a cup of Lyons Fresh Blend. Yes AND MILK PLEASE!
11. Insulting People
Irish Person: 'Agh c'mere would ya go away ya cute bastard'
Translation: 'I think you're a really nice person and I hope this friendship will continue to Blossom.'
We are a nation of contradictions that other people will not understand. Be careful!
Pros
1. They'll Assume You're an Alcoholic
2. They'll Assume You're Fun
People have a general perception of Irish people being fun and to be honest it's not that bad of a stereotype now is it.
3. Ginger and Exotic
Unlike in Ireland where people grimace in fear and avoid eye contact in case you steal their soul. Abroad you're a really rare sight. For once people will be glaring at you in awe and not in disgust.
4. Irish Charm
Kiss me I'm Irish didn't come from the sky. Unlike back home where your general charm just pisses girls off because you're just a 'typical lad' , in a foreign country your not so witty lines are still fresh and your school boy grin will have them weak at the knees!
5. Fluent in Irish
So you haven't said a word of Irish since your ordinary level Irish oral in 2008. Who cares, they don't know.
"Milsean bothar cailin bainne. Oh what? No I was just saying how your eyes sparkle a green that I haven't seen since I left the emerald isle."
Just make sure there's no Irish people around when you do this. What am I saying, they'll probably join in.
6. Everything is a Novelty
'I ordered chips and they gave me crisps!'
7. Irish Community
I don't know what it is but no matter what part of the world you're in, you will find a strong Irish community who will go backwards and beyond to help you out. You're never alone when you're Irish.
8. You'll Find a Relation Somewhere
It doesn't matter if your in Timbuktu or just over in the Isle of Man for a weekend. We are everywhere. If it's not a cousin it's an auntie of your man that you used to play county football with.
9. Skype
Most Irish Mammy's just do not get the concept of Skype.
'CAN YA HEAR ME?!!'
'DON'T BE LOOKING AT ME NOW!'
But nonetheless, home is never too far away.
10. Focus on the Good
It can be easy to complain about the state of our country non stop and we're right to do so but in saying that, it can be easy to forget all the accomplishments this little island of ours has achieved. I can only speak for myself but when I am travelling it makes me appreciate home so much more. That doesn't mean you're being ignorant to the grievances we have in this country, but if we start to forget what makes this country so special in the first place then why would we try to preserve its uniqueness.
11. And There's Always the Flute in a Mayo Jersey
Always. But sure don't we love it. (*Not an endorsement for #mayo4sam)
