Here are the somewhat strange ramblings of a public transport user.
- Maybe if I stare straight ahead and walk really quickly to the end of the platform I won't have to talk to anyone. Merrrrrp, awkward eye contact. Jesus, he's lost some weight. Please don't talk to me. Why are you talking to me? Did you not brush your teeth this morning? Can't you see I'm only half-committing to this conversation? I still have one earphone in, God damn it. I honestly don't care. Why are you still talking to me?
Jim wouldn't keep talking to me if I had one earphone in. Good man, Jim.
- This train is so packed. I'm going to fucking faint. I can't put my bag down on the ground because if I bend over I'll be grinding the old man behind me. I'll just hold it, it's fine. My arm's gonna fall off.
- Fucking hell, it's warm. Jesus Christ, that smells. That woman has a massive nose. Fuck, she saw me staring. I really want to look at her again. I'll chance a quick peek. What the fuck is she doing looking at me? What the fuck is she wearing?
Yes, but only while traveling on one.
- I really need to take off my coat. Balls! I shouldn't have dropped my bag on my toe. Shit, hand in crotch, sorry. Shit, elbowed Big Nose Woman, sorry. Someone get me some ice, I'm even warmer than I was before I took my coat off.
- He is definitely wearing his trousers the wrong way around. They don't even match his jacket. He is the worst business man I have ever seen. If that child doesn't shut up really soon someone is getting falcon punched. Oh my good fuck, how are you even trying to get on this carriage? Can you not see it's packed already? I'm actually drowning in a sea of the Great Unwashed.
Don't you dare try to squeeze onto this train!
- “Change here for DART, Luas, Ninety Bus and Intercity Services.” What the fuck is a ninety bus? Please just everyone get off at Connolly. Yessss, floor space to myself. Fuck, nearly fell over. Can we please talk about the actual state of this train?