Roy Keane; Assistant Manager Or Assistant To The Manager?


After tonights showing against Poland it's not clear whether Roy Keane is 'assistant manager' or 'assistant to the manager' for the Republic of Ireland, here are a few odd jobs to keep him busy and prevent him from a Ross Geller “MY SANDWICH”-esque breakdown.

1.Mind the corner flags.

Like Fathers Dougal McGuire and Cyril McDuff, someone needs to prevent them from being stolen.

2.Make the tea


Keane should have the same “fail to prepare, prepare to fail” attitude in preparing cups of Barry's Gold Blend for Martin O'Neill.

3.Run down to the shop

Roy could also be responsible for running down to the local Spar everyday, getting a Crunchie bar or whatever Martin feels like having.

4.Bring the boys out for ice cream


If Ireland manage to convincingly win a game against decent opposition, Roy might treat them by bringing them out for ice cream. If they fail to give the 390% Roy demands from them, then they should be given cold showers.


5. Confiscate Phones

If any player has their phone going off during training, Roy should personally confiscate it for a week and hand it back to them when they've learned their lesson.

As well as keeping Roy busy with these few tasks, the FAI would want to remove any mirrors from the training grounds to prevent Roy from having a fight with his own reflection again

David Keenan
Article written by
D.I.T and N.U.I.M graduate, socially retarded but a nice lad nonetheless

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