Sh*t You Wish You Could Say To Your Roommate

Living with a roommate can be stressful at the best of times, the rest of the time they are the scorn of the earth. You thought you would get used to them being messy and lazy, but after months of living with them you would rather live in a cardboard box then have  to deal with their shit. We've all had them, here are the things you wish you could say to your roommate.

 15) "Do you ever leave ?"

They seem to always be in the apartment and you can never have it to yourself for once. Then when they actually say they are going out, you come home and they're there watching TV. Then they  say "Oh , I didn't feel like going out" even though they told you a week in advance.

14) "You eat like a horse"

They chew so loud that you can hear them from your bedroom. Even when it's something quiet like pasta or noodles they will find a way to make it unbearable for you to stay in the house.


13) "You know we have a shower for a reason?"

You seem to be the only one who uses the shower and they always just seem to get up, get dressed and leave. When they come home they take their shoes off and they stink out the place. Then when they actually use the shower they spend about and hour in there, it's as if they let all the dirt build up and then have one big shower to get rid of it.

12) "You know you can actually close the bathroom door"

They seem to not realise that the bathroom actually has a door, they go to the toilet and they leave the door open. It's as if they want us to know what they had for dinner last night. It's happened so many times that you just keep the windows open.


11) "Seriously, have you ever heard of deodorant?"

It's bad enough that they don't have a shower, it's as if they have never heard of deodorant before either. Then on the off chance that they actually use deodorant, they will always ask to use yours... Ugh

10) "Could you actually play your music any louder?"

When they are having a drink or two they think it's an excuse to blare their shitty tunes. They invite over some friends and it doesn't take long to find out they have just as bad a taste in music as your roommate.


9) "Just because I put food in the fridge, doesn't mean you can eat it "

So, you volunteer to do the shopping and then you buy a treat for yourself. You go back the next day and realise your choclate is gone. Then of course they say "Oh well it was in the fridge, I thought I could eat it"...

8) "If you're not going to clean the dishes, you can't use them"

You're always seen to be the one who cleans up after dinner, and they never even offer to help. You really wish you could tell them that if they don't clean them that they can't use them. You don't want to look like an asshole so you just continue to take the high road.


7)"You do know it's possible to empty the bin?"

They let the rubbish pile up without a care in the world, and then you're the one that has to clean it up. They are just oblivious to trash mountain and keep adding to it and then they wonder why there is rubbish all over the floor.

6) "I actually die inside when I come home and you have friends over unannounced"

So you had a long day and you are looking forward to getting home to kick back and relax. This is all derailed when you come home to your roommate and their friends playing Kings. Now you have to wait in your room until they're gone so you can have some peace and quiet.


5) "I would appreciate it if you didn't stay up until 3am watching Comedy Central and waking me up with your horrible laugh"


4) "No, it's not ok that you used my towel"

They think it's ok to use your towel if their's is in the wash. You just end up cleaning it thoroughly, but if all else fails and you can't get their smell out it, you can just burn it.


3) Could you knock on the door before you enter my room ?

There is nothing more annoying than your roommate coming into your room without any notice. It's mainly because you don't' want them to catch you masturbating, but still, they should always knock,  they only came in to ask if you know where their phone is.

2) Put some damn clothes on!!

For some strange reason they always seem to be walking around with a towel around their waist and making themselves comfortable. It takes them a good hour to air dry...

1) I actually hate you

Through it all you know that you nothing really compares to how much you hate them. It's as if everything they do is just to annoy you. The worst part about it is that you can't actually say it to their face, you just have to secretly carry around this hatred with you the whole time.

Kenneth Fox
Article written by
I'm a musician and a writer, or a writer and a musician, I can't make up my mind, Either way I'm not particularly good at either. A bit of an old fashioned guy, who enjoys the simpler things in life, nothing fancy.

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