Sh*t Tall Girls Are Sick Of Hearing

Being a tall girl is a a curse. Unless you're a 6ft tall, Brazillian model with legs up to your ears and you can actually put it to good use, that is. We are destined for a life of scalp glancing, leg cramp, ill fitting clothes and being told that "you've gotten so big". Thanks world, much appreciated. Here is the shit that tall girls are sick of hearing;

1)" What HEIGHT are you?"

If I had a euro for every time somebody asked me this question, I'd be typing this from a yacht in the Carribean. Believe it or not people, all of us tall girls don't keep a measuring tape on our person at all times. In fact, some of us don't really know what height we are because we're too afraid to measure ourselves. About an inch above average. Promise.

2)"Can you get that there?"

Tall girls can sometimes feel as though they were put upon this earth, purely to reach for things that may be out of grasp for our shorter counterparts. It was amusing for the month or two after we had a growth spurt, five years on however and interrupting our dinner to ask us to reach for a balloon that has floated towards the ceiling (along with your manners), is not really on. Our job description does not read 'Official placer for the Christmas-tree star'. So stop that.


3) "You must get everywhere so much faster."

Yes, our legs are a few inches longer than yours. Yes, we clearly do walk faster as a result of this. No, this does not mean that one of our steps equals nine of yours. Now that we're on the topic however, if all of the short arses out there would like to move a little bit fucking faster than a hungover snail, we'd very much appreciate it.

4) "Flying must be fun for you."

Unless you're Richard Branson or a member of the Mile High Club, flying is not fun for anybody. Flying is a necessity that we suffer through, purely to grace shores more enticing than our own. Yes, we do get severe leg cramp and have hate level 10 thoughts, about the dick who reclines in front of us, but apart from that, we love flying. No joke.


5) "Let's take a selfie. Can you lean down a bit there."

Fuck you selfies. Thanks to selfies, every single tagged photo that now exists of me, makes it seem as though I have spinal problems. There are all of my fabulously petite friends in their meter high shoes, barely reaching my chin and there's me, looking painfully awkward, working the look of reaching down for a dropped 20c coin. Sitting down selfie?

6) "Jesus, I'd love to see the height of you in heels."

So would we, but sadly, we rarely wear heels because when we do, it makes us feel as though we could be showcased as the new freakshow in the local circus. This can be both an advantage and a disadvantage. An advantage, because we can enjoy being comfortable for the night, we can dance and run to our hearts content. A disadvantage, because our short sisters tell us how much better they feel in heels. More graceful, skinnier, sexier. *Hobble, Hobble.*


7) "Does Penneys have a tall girl section?"

On behalf of tall girls everywhere, I'd like to propose this genius idea to Penneys. Please, do your taller customers a massive favour and cut some clothes that will actually cover our arse cheeks. I for one, would love to own a dress that doesn't expose 86% of my greater leg area. Jump on it Penneys.

8) "Are your parents really tall too?"

Ok so this may be a natural presumption, but no, not necessarily. If you do come from a tall family, then you're one of the lucky ones. At least there's somewhere you fit in. One side of my family are dwarfs (basically), so I'm a huge (literally) novelty to them, so much so that from time my own mother feels the need to laugh at my height. Sound.


9) "That shower's a bit low, good luck with that."

Every tall girl dreads hearing these words. It's inevitable. It will happen when you go on a cheap package holiday or it'll happen in some of the shitty houses you'll live in, mainly during your formative student years. All short people seem to think it's hilarious that we have to kneel down in order to gain clean, shiny hair. Little fuckers.

10) "Have you always been that tall?"

Yes. We have always been tall. We actually come out of the womb this tall. Our poor, poor mothers. We did not start out at a relatively average height, spend numerous months wondering when the growing pains would go away and then wake up one day a meter and a half taller and littered in stretch marks. That makes no sense at all.

11) " Finding a man taller than you must be tricky."

Could all of the tall men out there please stand up and make yourself known? Where are you all hiding? Yes, finding a man taller than us is near impossible. We've more or less resigned ourselves to the fact that we'll never be able to wear stilettos and look swan-like, next to a man. So here's one last angry statement from tall women everywhere. Short women, please stay away from the tall men. Back the fuck off. They are in short supply as it is and you're not helping matters. We know that deep down, all men just want a woman they can pop under their arm but this does not make us feel good.

Yours sincerely,

The Giants judging your roots.

Alison Keogh
Article written by
Alison decided to follow a sensible career route and chose to study Media. She happens to think of herself as a kind of Irish Beyonce after four Coronas, which usually results in her being deserted on the dance-floor by her loving friends. Her horrifically short attention span seeps into many aspects of her life, resulting in her half hearing important facts and hating people who walk at a leisurely pace.

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