The Emotional Life Cycle Of A Final Year Essay

Sigh uncontrollably and open Microsoft Word.

Spend the first hour or so choosing the same font you always use (size 14 of course) and eventually get around to typing essay title.

Read the assignment brief and question and spend the next 40 minutes re-writing it with the phrase, 'In this essay, I will be discuss...'


Take a break from the 200 words you've written. Spend an hour staring vacantly out of the window with the bare beginnings of a spider gram doodled on your page.

Snap out of your never ending stare and return to your 200 word assignment with a renewed sense of purpose...

5 mins later check Facebook quickly just to make sure nothing really interesting is happening, then you'll get back to the words.


Return to keyboard pounding.

Check Facebook again, just in case something has happened in the 5 minutes since you last checked, you are then rerouted to CollegeTimes where you spend at least an hour.


After that brief hiatus write 30 words and reward yourself with a 5 minute break.

Check your word count, just in case there was a mistake with Word. Windows XP can be a bollox

Throw away all proper references and go the Wikipedia route


Disguise this by citing the sources you found via Wikipedia... They'll never know!

Walk around the house aimlessly...


Completely freak out when you realise you're 8 hours into a Made In Chelsea marathon rather than your essay

Spend time changing abbreviated words like, ’shouldn’t’, ’didn’t’ and ‘isn’t’ to full length in the hope of doubling your word count.

Pad the word count with many many quotes...


Brain is sore... Break time



Head down... 1000 words in exactly 57 minutes, no quotations necessary...

Increase bullshit and waffle level to 2.0... Increase word count to 2000 within 26 minutes...

Decrease Red bull intake...


Begin conclusion...

Time to print this baby and then sleep.

Exhausted and barely able to speak vow that for the next assignment you'll start essay three weeks in advance.

CollegeTimes Staff
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