The Emotional Life Cycle Of A Late Period

Periods mostly suck: they're messy and uncomfortable and they make you fat. But when the dreaded day comes and nothing happens, it can cause the mother of all meltdowns. We've all been there and it's not a place anyone of us are in a rush back to. Here is the breakdown of the thoughts ever girl has when Aunt Flo just isn't turning up...

Oh My God, I'm pregnant.


I have to be, I'm never late. Ever. It's like my thing.


When did I last have sex? Is it even possible?



*does calculations* Shit, it's possible.


Maybe that's why I've put on weight.



I knew it had nothing to with me stopping the gym and eating all those takeaways. It's obviously because I'm pregnant.


Ok, relax. It's just stress that's delaying it. I'm obviously not pregnant. Breathe.


I'm going to stop thinking about it for 24 hours and it'll come naturally.



Right, I've relaxed and still nothing.





*Googles early pregnancy symptoms*


I know I shouldn't but it's right there, begging to be asked and sure it might put my mind at rest.



I'm tired and my boobs hurt and my period isn't here. Oh no. I'm going to be a mother.


I have Every.Single.Symptom. Brilliant, that confirms it so.


I can't be a mother, I'm legit broke AF.



I'm actually seriously broke. Why didn't I save any of my Confirmation money? Why do I send my wages on alcohol?


Should I tell the father? He could help.



At least I won't be dealing with this on my own. I didn't get pregnant all by myself after all.

Oh wait, he was yer man who ghosted me. Fab. I'll be a single mother living with my parents.


It just keeps getting better and better.



I promise I'll never have sex again, God, if you just let me have my period. Please.


Well, maybe just not on the first date.

Right, just buy pregnancy test and you'll know for sure.



"It's for my friend"


It's negative, woohoo!



Ah, brief relief.

Hold on. *Googles effectiveness of pregnancy tests*


I should stop googling but I just cant.


Shit, drinking excessive amounts of water dilutes the pregnancy hormone. So the result must be wrong and I'm 100% knocked up.


So THAT was a waste of time and money. I should've googled the best way to take one before I took it. But that's probably just my baby brain kicking in.





Hallelujah! I better message the girls and let them know I won't be a premature mother.


Ugh, I fucking hate my period.


Aoife Loughnane

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