It's been three weeks since the essay titles have been given out, but a student's life is hectic: we have social events to attend, work commitments and T.V to watch. So it's not our fault that we can't find time to start our college assignment until the very night before it's due. The hours that lie ahead of you as you sit finally open that 'new document' tab on your laptop will be a test of endurance, strength and sheer will power. You know deep down inside that you should have started this weeks ago. But you also know this isn't the first, and certainly the last time you start your college assignment the night before...
I'll start any minute now...
Because thinking of starting that college assignment is practically the same as finishing that college assignment.
Oh! Look at that! It's ten past the hour, I'll start on the next one
It would just feel wrong starting at ten thirteen, it's an unlucky number anyway.
*50 minutes of Buzzfeed/Imgur/Tumblr/Reddit/Internet banter & a cup of tea*
Quizzes about what kind of pizza topping are you are, compilations of the best dog vines 2014 and good ole Netflix. So many distractions, curse you world wide web ... oh look! A quiz about which beard I should have...
Alright time to start...
UGH! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!
*LOUD SIGHING AND ARM FOLDING*
I'll do this question I suppose
This essay title probably has the one thing you've read in the past semester on it, don't lie.
Now just to read the text closely... Oh hey SparkNotes
<3 SparkNotes <3 or shmoop, Wikipedia, gravesaver, cliffnotes....
Now I'll just spend half an hour planning my essay.
"Once i've planned it, it's essentially done.", sure.
I've done so much work I totally deserve a break.
That frozen pizza isn't going to eat itself, and a cup of tea afterwards is totally in order... maybe even an episode of Archer.
What!?! How the fuck is it midnight already? Shit...
Why didn't I do this three weeks ago? What have I been doing!?
Yes, you've been out drinking, but realistically you've been spending more time in your bed, on the laptop, doing shit all apart from eating stale tortilla chips. After all, if you pretend college work doesn't exist, then it basically doesn't.
Why didn't I start this earlier?
Well, it's wasn't a priority until now.
Maybe I should ask for an extension?
It' would be really convenient if a family member died right now...
Must power through this tiredness...
Sleepiness is beginning to overcome your ability to spell, or make any sense really. At this time you cannot afford to stop typing, but you can't help notice that the keyboard is getting more and more comfortable to sleep on. A solution pops into your head...
I NEED COFFEE!
Ah, good old reliable coffee. No doubt you'll be throwing a half the jar of Nescafè or whatever rip off into your mug, with a shit ton of sugar and no milk. This will definitely keep you awake.
Accidentally get warped into 'Drunk In Love'/Or Any Catchy Tune, fuelled by sudden intake of caffeine.
The caffeine has hit you hard. That background music has now become your song which you are performing to the millions in Madison Square Gardens. All those screaming fans, your incredible singing voice, not to mention you totally wrote the song, how could you not get carried away?
Ok, ok, ok. Focus. You can do this.
Welcome back to reality! It's half two in the morning and you still have shit all done. You realise that if you're going to get ANY sleep tonight then you should probably get typing. Still pumped from your performance, you feel like you fucking own this essay. Nothing can stop you now! Time to really get stuck...
WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT?
I wonder does this make sense to other people. Just keep writing words. Maybe a quote here and there. Pray it may be slightly relevant to whatever the hell I'm talking about.
Am I even going to pass this?
Just keep writing, it'll be grand.
Ugh it's so late... I might as well just stay up and finish what I can.
No point in stopping now.
If I get this done in an hour I'll get three hours sleep
Wishful thinking seeps from desperation, and you are so desperate for a nap.
WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG!
Nothing is more of a pain in the ass than when you've been typing for what seems hours, and you are still.not.finished.
*Onset of tears upon looking at word count*
How? Hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow have I only written 874 words?
Overwhelming sense of guilt and self-hatred
Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Not only do you feel like a complete fuck up, but also a complete disappointment and an overall shit human being.
Monumental, Inspiration Pep Talk
You cannot let this stupid fucking assignment get the better of you. You cannot let a 4000 word essay TAKE YOU DOWN! There's only one thing left to do to that will to get this done...
LET'S GET FUCKING 8 MILE ON THIS SHIT!
Since all emotions of happiness and content are no longer available for use, feelings of anger and resentment set in, accompanied by a lot of cursing. Still it's noting listening to 'Lose Yourself' on repeat won't fix.
Surge of passion mixed with determination driven by the need to sleep!
MUST NOT STOP TYPING! MUST COMPLETE ASSIGNMENT!
The point of completion, exhaustion or surrender.
Congratulations! You've reached the acceptable amount of word count, or perhaps not. Perhaps you've gone all "fuck this shit", or you're happy to chance your arm with the whatever the hell you've just written. The point is that this god awful process is over. Well, until the next deadline...