It can be a hard knock life for us women in the wilderness. Between college and our social lives we are subjected to the various creeps of the world. However the most common place creeps are found are in the dark crevices of bars, dirty dancefloors where your dignity has excused itself from existence and of course, McDonald's at 4am. For those yet to interact with many creepy guys, here is your official dictionary: 21 creeps you'll meet on a night out.
21) The House-Mate Creep.
So you've settled in nicely to your home for the year, and all your housemates seem like good craic. But there's that one housemate that keeps "accidentally" walking in on you when he thinks you're getting dressed, always offers to pick up your drink for you and buys a shoulder instead of a naggin. Only 9 months left, only 9 months left...
20) The Ghost Creep.
Grabs your ass and is never seen again.
19) The 80s Game Show Creep.
Cheesy, wears suits too big for him and a total showman. This guy will use every chat-up line in the book, has a shrine dedicated to Paddy Guinness and has the words "If you're feeling nothing, push that button" tattooed on his arm.
18) 99 Problems Creep.
You can tell this guy has some major issues behind his passive aggressiveness. This guy could be really great, if he dealt with some of his own issues first.
17) The Corrupt Business Man Creep.
This creep thinks buying you a 4e drink is enough for you to sleep with him. He will throw a hissy fit once you tell him you're worth more than a drink and a kebab.
16) The Big Man From the Small Village Creep.
Probably head of his GAA team back home - think of Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' - and therefore had all the ladies falling all over him. However is now struggling to keep his ego intact amongst the other guys in the club.
15) The Misogynist Creep.
Sees himself as a worthy hunter-gatherer and therefore expects you to desire him. Gets seriously pissed at you when you show no interest.
14) The Wide-Eyed Creep.
Maybe he thinks you're astonishingly beautiful, or maybe he's just too nervous to speak to you and feels that telepathic communication is the best way to tell you you're gorgeous. Either way, stop staring.
13) The Overly-Nice Creep.
What's wrong with nice people? Nothing. But sometimes we meet guys who are just that tad bit TOO nice. He'll dance with you, laugh with you but his rather dead eyes and limp hands suggest that perhaps he's a serial killer.
12) The "Lad" Creep.
This guy is an absolute LAD. He loves his soccer, his gargles with the other lads and having you around his arm... to show you off to everyone else. You can't help but gather that perhaps he using you to satisfy his own ego.
11) The 'Friend' Creep.
This guy has fancied you for YEARS! Although you've tried to passively deny his feelings for you, when he has a few drinks in him he's all touchy-feely and keeps telling you just how much you mean to him.
10) The Shy-Heartbreaker Creep.
This guy will approach you timidly, with big puppy dog eyes that say "love me." His nervous ways will bring out your compassionate side. Purely based on this, you give him a chance until WHAM! You come back from the bathroom and he's kissing someone else...
9) The "Gangster" Creep.
This guy thinks that having numerous gold chains, seeing Eminem five times and a basketball jersey gives him the superpower to attract all females. He's harmless really, but most of his recreational activities are fairly illegal. Not the best guy to get involved with.
8) The Man-Whore Creep.
You've been watching this guy do the rounds around the dancefloor, and now he's spotted you at the bar. You feel his glare on your body, and although he makes you feel oh-so-special, you'd rather not have Chlamydia.
7) The Sly Creep.
You're not quite sure how you ended up kissing this guy. Maybe you could take your alcohol levels into account, but even at that you're still conscious of your surroundings. It's more than likely you were having some banter with this lad and he just went for it. Fair enough.
6) The Rick Astley Creep.
This guy is literally never gonna give, never gonna give you up. Often found latched onto your hips, he clearly hasn't handled the transition from the local disco into over 18s nightlife well. He will continue to hold onto you, while grinding on you in ways which are unimaginable. Give it up.
5) The Z-List Celebrity Creep.
This guy was in your favourite 90s pop group. His dreamy middle-parted t-bar highlight hair was all you dreamt about as a girl and now you've got to meet him in a bar! Everything's going great until he starts getting a bit messy. You slowly begin to realise he strives off the attention of women 10 years younger than him, and he's probably involved in a dodgy sexual court case abroad. Never meet your heroes.
4) The Cheater Creep.
You've been chatting to this guy for ages now, he's good fun and seems genuine. But you can't help but gather disapproving glances from his friends. None of this really bothers you until you go to put your number in his phone to discover that his homescreen picture is of him and some girl, looking fairly cosy. His "sister." Uh huh.
3) The Ex-Boyfriend Creep.
This poor guy has not stopped thinking of you since you broke up, a year ago. Everytime you hang out he's very protective, to put it nicely. If you take a drunken tumble down the steps he's the first person to pick you up, whenever another suitor speaks to you he immediately interrupts and not to mention he's constantly trying to share a taxi with you home.
2) The Family-Friend Creep.
The annoying thing about this whole situation is that you feel you HAVE to be nice to your creepy neighbour. During the day-to-day run of things, you exchange waves as you come home everyday and you used to walk his dog as a kid. But when it comes to your Mam's 50th he dances just that little bit TOO close during 99 Red Balloons.
1) The One-Too Many Creep.
This guy was the one five minutes ago. He was well-mannered, humorous, and just a total top gent! Until the last jagerbomb. Now he's vomiting on himself, while crying and cursing at the barman. Oh dear lord. Time to hop in a taxi and head home.