It's that time of year once again, the time when the choice between studying or taking a break from school, has to be made by thousands of students up and down the country. There are pros and cons to both sides, so to make your life changing decision a little easier, I, a total non expert, am going to help you through this challenging time. Deep breath, here we go...
1) You'll (Possibly) Get Away From Home
You'll finally escape the clutches of your parents (unless you're one of those poor unfortunates forced to live at home, sorry about that.) That spells freedom, quiet time and ultimately, independence. Independence to sleep in every morning, for example.
2) So Much Drinking
College, to the untrained eye, spells education, learning, wisdom. To anyone in the know, however, it spells shots. Prepare yourself for night after night of beer, vodka, alcopops (just joking) and basically anything that comes in over 37.5%. 'Down it' will become the stuff of nightmares.
3) You'll Make New Friends
At college you'll meet like minded, interesting people from all over the world (but mainly just all over the country.)
4) You'll Experience Many New Things
Say hello to a world of new information, new words, new accents, new places. Even if change scares you, just think of all the things you're going to learn now that you're not in your old bubble of being at home. So many things.
5) Class Trips To Exotic Places
The word exotic might be a tad dramatic here. I'm talking about mystery tours, that college tradition that involves throwing as many drunk 18 year olds' as is humanly possible onto a rusty, shit mobile and driving them to the most obscure place known to man. Usually some must see spot in the midlands. Told you it was exotic.
6) Many, Many Nights Out
Whereas once, many nights out meant three times a month, you'll now be drinking approximately 3 times a week. Apart from on reading week where the only reading you'll be doing is of bottle labels. Tut Tut.
7) You Might Get To Have Sex (If You're Lucky)
It's one of the first things that spring to mind when we think of college. Perhaps it's a result of too many American teen comedies, but if you can't get some in college, then something may be slightly amiss. Get working on those smooth chat up lines right now.
1) You'll Be Flat Broke
Being broke and being in college come hand in hand. No matter how much you say you'll save, work part time or not spend, it's all a blatant lie to yourself, so stop. You will have no money. Ever. There are no financial upsides to going to college. No literally, none.
2) You're Either Living In A Shithole Or Still Living At Home
I can't speak from experience here, but purely from listening to those who have lived at home during college, I hear it's a pretty grim experience, apart from the 'being fed' aspect of things. Living away from home on the other hand, means revolting student housing, damp, mould, expensive rent and uncomfortable beds. Everyone loses in this game.
3) At Least Three More Years Of Study
You've spent the past 13/ 14 years in school and now you're signing yourself up for another three years, minimum. That's not even including postgrads, diplomas and possibly even a masters. Plus, it's not a decision to enter into lightly, you're going to need dedication and focus by the bucket load. No pressure then...
4) Many All Nighters' Will Be Pulled
I defy you to meet someone out there who got through their college years without having pulled an all nighter. It's practically impossible, I assure you. Especially in the period leading up to exams. Both coffee and steely determination are key here. You're going to feel great the next day by the way. Just great...
5) Your Diet Will Go To Shit
Goodbye Mammy's home cooked dinner, hello noodles, chicken fillet rolls, pasta for breakfast and six million cups of tea. You'll start off with the best of intentions, I assure you, but by the following hungover Wednesday, all salad will be binned for life. Just go with it.
6) As Will Your Liver
You've been kind to your liver up to now, you've tried to ease it gently into the swing of things by having a cheeky vodka every now and then. I'm here to tell your liver that this was not enough. Your liver hasn't got a fucking clue as to what's about to happen to it. It'll be more shell shocked than a veteran returning from war. It's fucked.
7) You'll Meet Many, Many Knobby People
Not to generalise here, but you're going to be bombarded with 'lads', consistently drunk girls and the worst of all, the society people. Especially the Dram Soc ones. *Shudder* Avoid them at all all costs. Especially around election time. The word painful is a huge understatement.