Things No Guy Should Do At A Music Festival

As I've stated multiple times, festivals are indeed a breeding ground for douchebaggery. Sure it can be a place where you have a great time with your mates and just get royally pissed. But at the same time that's not to say it won't contain some of your worse experiences with people your age, and for some strange reason it'll mostly be mates. No one wants to deal with some random stranger ruining their festival experience, so if you're not determined to not become the topic of a passionately angry article about the worst people at festivals, then I strongly suggest you read this article. These are the things that no guy should do at a music festival.

Don't Take Your Shirt Off

We're all dancing, we're all a little sweaty and yes, it is roasting today, but that is no justifiable reason to take your shirt off. Look at it this way, festivals are essentially concerts that happen to be outside. Would you randomly take your shift off at an Ed Sheeran gig? No. Then it's pretty simple mate, please keep your pepperoni nipples away from me.

Don't Start Douchey Chants

"GET YOUR TITS OUT FOR THE LADS!!". Bruh, what the fuck are you actually doing? I'm sorry but if you actually thought that was going to work, your momma should smack you upside your ignorant head. Don't get me wrong, I want to see tits as much as the next guy, but I don't think the best way to go about it is to scream at them to do it. If you're gonna chant, keep it light, fun and kinda meaningless.

Don't Start A ' Wall of Death'

Mosh pits are like maximum amounts of fun, everyone's just going crazy having a good time. If someone get's knocked down, they get picked back up again, no actual danger. Walls of death are legit just mini riots that essentially put a lot of people who have no interest in participating in something that extreme in danger. Not to sound like your nan or anything, but why are you so eager to trample on some innocent bucket hat wearing teen? Are you a psychopath or something?

Don't Mess With People's Tents

Don't steal them, don't push your mates onto them, don't get inside them, don't even fucking look at them. I love a bit of crack myself, but seriously, for the next three days that tent is someone's home. That's where they're going to eat, sleep and smash. The last thing they need after a day of hardcore partying is to come back to their camping area and find out that some dick set their tent on fire. Know the line and don't cross it, simples.

Don't Piss In The Open

As members of the male race we are miraculously enabled with the ability to pee essentially anywhere we want. But in the words of Uncle Ben, with great powers comes great responsibility. Listen, I'm not saying that you have to stand in line for 15 minutes just to use a filthy porta potty; feel free to use a bush. All I'm saying is that if half the festival can see your cock as you shamelessly piss in the middle of a crowed field, then you're kind of a gross douchebag.


Don't Be A Pervert

You, much like me (and like every other single guy) goes into a festival dying to pull, and believe me brother I support you in your quest for the shift. What I don't support is you being a little pervert who puts all the ladies in bad mood and on the offensive. Feel free to dance, flirt and anything along those lines. But don't follow them around, saying creepy ass shit or dancing aggressively on some random person you don't know. C'mon you're better than that...well you're probably not, but at least try.

Don't Smell

I cannot believe that I have tell you grown ass men not to smell, but alas here we are talking about hygiene. This is something your dad should have discussed with you when you were 11 and not some random internet blogger/generally awesome person. I don't know how you're going to fix your odour issue and personally I don't even care. Bring a spare T-shirt or deodorant or take a quick dip in the lake; just please try not to smell like a human sized pile of socks. Thank you for your co-operation.

Dafe Orugbo
Article written by
Dafe once went streaking in the middle of the day for the promise of a 4in1. He is in possession of a spectacular ass, and considers himself quite the suave "Motha-Fucka". He studies English and Law in Maynooth University, but rarely attends classes because he is; and I quote - "Too busy mackin them bishes". His love for appletini's is only outweighed by his love for appletini's. Be warned if you ever encounter Dafe in the real world, he will probably turn you to the darkside *whispers* black people...

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