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UCC Student Takes Housemate To Court Over Theft Of 'Last Of The Milk'

UCC Student Takes Housemate To Court Over Theft Of 'Last Of The Milk'

Third year UCC music student Raymond Burke is suing his housemate Ellen Tierney for damages accrued from Ms Tierney's systematic stealing of 'the last of the milk'.

We got in contact with Mr. Burke who explained how the case came about:

Every morning for the past four weeks it was the same thing, I'd go to the fridge and there wouldn't be a drop of milk left in the carton, not even enough for a strong cup of tea. Of course Ellen was already gone to college, so I couldn't confront her. And I didn't want to come across as stingy by putting a message on the house WhatsApp. So naturally I explored my legal options and decided that the best course of action was to take Ellen to court and ruin her, financially speaking.

In court this evening, Burke's attorney Neven Lynch implored Judge Conor Stapleton to come down heavy on the dairy burglar:

The systematic pilfering of Mr. Burke's milk over the course of four weeks has greatly affected my client. He has suffered a fracture in his big toe that would never of happened had he had the correct amount of calcium and vitamin D in his diet. After all, as the old saying goes: 'dem bones, dem bones need, calcium'. I would ask that the Judge come down on Ms Tierney like a tonne of bricks.

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College Times understands that Ms. Tierney has put in a counter claim against Burke telling this reporter that the UCC student has frequently dipped in to her teabag supply:

Lookit I wasn't going to make a big deal about it, but now that he's taking me to court then fuck him. He's taken at least 7 teabags out of my cupboard over the last month and if he's going to get all uppity over the milk then I'll use the teabags against him. He can't have it all his own way.

Judge Stapleton is expected to rule on the case tomorrow when the court reconvenes.

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Eoin Lyons

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