Ah the open road...nothing like it is there? A place where everyone can roll down the window and bask in that freedom that only being behind the wheel can give you, that is until some asshole who thinks he owns the road comes along and ruins your day. This asshole can come in all different shapes and sizes. Which begs the question. What kind of driver are you?
Captain Road Rage
At any given moment you could explode. The amber light turns red just as you hit the lights...KABOOM...and everybody else on the road gets it from you. The steering wheel becomes an impromptu punching bag, innocent passers by become the target of your abuse and the people travelling with you just bow their heads awkwardly, or giggle in nervousness.
“I'll park where I want” Driver
You abandon the car in the first space you see, double yellow lines, clamping warnings, someones front living room...you really don't give a sh!t. And parking fines...pfft..."I'm not paying that".
The Anxious Driver
With your concrete grip on the steering wheel and your face in the windscreen you spread utter fear amongst other road users. You ignore other road users and are a genuine danger to society. You concentrate so much on what you are doing that you become a hazard to everyone else.
With all due respect to bus, plane and train drivers Taxi drivers take their well deserve place on this list because where would we be without them? The utter volume of nonsense and sometimes genuine conversation that comes from taxi drivers contributes to some of the most memorable moments I have had on the road. Apparently if you put enough of them in a room for a month they could write a better quality novel than
Shakespeare Dan Brown.
The Telephone Operator
You answer your phone at the frequency of a call centre switch board. Your whole life revolves around not being able to keep your mouth shut. STOP...take a breath. Keep your eyes on the road or you will cause damage. You will also more than likely talk to yourself and be senile in old age.
Nothing to do with navigation skills or auto-mobiles in general but still, Minnie Driver is a type of driver. Minnie if you're reading this..I loved you in Good Will Hunting....not so much in Hard Rain.
Lacking Navigation Skills
You can't live without your GPS system. There are genuine panic stations when you head to the local shop for milk and forget your phone for fear you will never find your way back. You are a child of technology....one blackout and you are [email protected]
Slow Down T'Fuck
You believe that in a former life you were a formula one driver...or at least some form of speed demon. Your record for Dublin to Cork is somewhere in the region of 20 seconds and you plan on shaving at least 2 seconds off that this summer.
The Back Seat Driver
Even when you're not in the driver seat you weigh in with your 2 cents on what the driver is doing wrong...actually a lot of the time it's someone who can't drive. Hey you with no license...shut up!
The Sunday Driver
The. Worst. Type. Of. Driver. There. Is. 5km p/h of a Sunday afternoon makes me break really hard and get ice cream all over my steering wheel. You drive so slow that by the time you get from A to B it's 1967. Bastards.
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