Remember how excited you were that you actually managed to get that internship you were working towards all summer? Remember how drunk you got the night you celebrated? Remember how that happiness was replaced by .... FEAR? How could you have been so stupid to be excited about something like this. There is nothing scarier than your first day; at school. college, work. It's scary and just plain awkward. There is no amount of planning in the world that will save you from these awkward moments:
1) The "Do They Know I'm Coming?" Moment.
You open the door, and enter the office. I HAVE ARRIVED BITCHES. Only to realise that people forgot about the new intern and you have to find a suitably fancy looking person to introduce yourself to and hope they were expecting you.
2) The "I Forget How To Speak" Moment.
You bullshitted your way through the interview no problem, but now that you're here talking to your boss about what you will actually be doing, you lose the ability to speak and can only really communicate in grunts.
3) The "Am I Dressed Right?" Moment.
Fuck. I knew I should have worn blue jeans instead of black. Look at her, she's so slick and stylish. I, however, look like I'm on my way to a funeral.
4) The "What Do I Do Now?" Moment.
You've found your desk, connected to the Internet (THANK THE LORD).... now what? I HAVE NO INITIATIVE, HELP ME PLEASE.
5) The "I Think They're Talking About Me" Moment.
Those people at the end of the office definitely saw me drop my pen and now they're laughing and yes, I'm the clown of the office. GOOD GOING CLODAGH, ON YOUR FIRST DAY FOR FUCKS SAKE.
6) The "I Need Help" Moment.
No matter how friendly and open your boss is, unless they're sitting by your side the whole time, there's no way you're gonna ask them for help. Which leaves you sitting, somewhat clueless, for a minimum of forty minutes.
7) The "Lunch" Moment.
Do I go when they go? What if they go out and buy lunch? Will they judge my Mammy-made sandwiches? Should I lie? Where the fuck even is the kitchen?
8) The "Oh I'll Have Mine In A While" Moment.
You pray they invite you for lunch and when they do you panic and say you're not hungry. Even though you are. Starving. I don't understand my brain sometimes. Idiot.
9) The "Shit I Need To Pee" Moment.
The genuine heart attack you have when you realise that you need to pee, and haven't a clue where the toilet is and you think your shoes make a lot of noise on the floor. I'll just wait till home time.
10) The "Look Busy" Moment.
You've been so busy secretly Snapchatting your first day and googling how to do the job you were assigned, that when your boss comes around the check on you, you force close all your seventeen tabs and type furiously.
11) The "Awkward Chit Chat" Moment.
You feel like you've introduced yourself and told your life story at least five times.
12) The "Am I Invited?" Moment.
They're all talking about their work night out and your sitting there trying so hard to look like you're not listening, but at the same time listening intently, so if they did ask did you want to come you would be ready to play it cool and be all, "Oh what are we talking about?". Ha. Suckers.
13) The "Is She Angry At Me?" Moment.
She keeps staring at me and it's freaking me out. WHAT HAVE I DONE?
14) The "Or Maybe She's Flirting With Me" Moment.
This is definitely some sexual tension I'm feeling. Damn.
15) The "Can I Go?" Moment.
It's definitely half five but no one else is packing up and I don't want to be the first I'll just wait it out.
16) The "Shit Now I Have To Run" Moment.
But then you wait too long and have to run past everyone else to catch your bus and oops you just fell. FUUUUCK.
17) The "Wave Goodbye" Moment.
I waved goodbye on the bus but I don't know if they saw me and now I'm dying inside. Why did I take this job?