“YOLO”: 8 Things That Screw Over Your Future Self...

Sometimes living "in the moment", is straight up shooting yourself in the foot. A study at Yale University shows that the language we speak significantly affects how we think about our future selves. For example, Chinese people, whose language contains no tenses, are much better at saving money than Anglophone societies because our use of future tense makes it harder to relate to our future selves. Here are the ways we royally fuck ourselves over by really not thinking things through.

Sleeping Too Little

With a hectic modern life including social media and binge consumption of entertainment we've become a generation of people who are just fuckin' wrecked. Not only does sleep deprivation reduce your productivity, it damages your memory, dulls your intelligence, kills your sex drive, and has been shown to be a crucial factor in the development of depression. There's a reason it's used as a form of torture in Guantanamo Bay you know, but you do it to yourself just so you can finally catch up on Game of Thrones.


Before you veg out on the couch, trousers unbuttoned, treat yourself to that full pizza that you'll eat all by yourself followed by a carton of ice cream while you struggle to breathe, remember that it's you and you alone who will have to shift those excess calories somewhere down the line, and while you're opting in for instant gratification now you'll be losing out on the sustained gratification of a healthy body and an enviable physique. Quit letting yourself off the hook, piggy. 


Drinking In Excess

Ever woken up with such a hangover that your mouth tastes like a septic tank and your brain is so dehydrated you can actually feel its shrunken lobes rattling in your skull? If so, you've cursed the bad decision making of your past self and sworn to never do it again. Well, as long as your disassociating yourself from your past mistakes you'll always have an out when you repeat them.

Not Studying

It isn't cool. It serves no purpose. You are not automatically James Dean if you do this. Remember, the Bart Simpsons of the world who said "fuck homework" were fictional characters played by hardworking and successful actors. This won't screw over The Man, you're just shitting on your career options.


Spending Too Much

Bear in mind that one blow-out of a night at a strip club isn't worth a month of near-starvation... I assume.


Probably the main offender on the list. We're constantly told about the effects of smoking. We're shown pictures of lungs literally coated in tar. We know it causes birth defects. People are told at every turn that you're literally killing yourself by smoking, yet we still do it. It's easier not to care about cancer when it's not your problem but your future self's problem. Sucks to be them.



Not Using Condoms

The main time at which you can't actually see past the moment at hand and you can truly fuck yourself over. Babies and STIs are distant possibilities which you really can't be arsed with right now. So if you think you're bad at making decisions, your genitals are even worse.

Tattoos And Piercings On A Visible Part Of Your Body

This is this kind of move you make when you want to guarantee that you'll never have a proper job, unless you're a rock star, tattoo artist, or Mike Tyson. Homelessness should be right up your alley though.


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Seán Kenehan
Article written by
Seán has been told by some that he resembles a young Hugh Laurie, but more people have tried to hire him as a Noddy impersonator. Something of a film fan, a pub quiz is one of the few situations in which he is even remotely useful. Seán enjoys the occasional beverage of the alcohol variety, Salt & Vinegar crisps, and referring to himself in the third person.

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