Finding someone is easy. Finding THE one isn’t. I always recommend leaving your emotions and feelings out of any decisions you make, however, this rule doesn’t apply to love. When it comes to love, feelings are often all we really have to go by.
No matter how great someone may be on paper, unless he or she makes us feel a certain way, we won’t believe ourselves to be in love. Of course, there's much more to love than the feelings we experience, but our emotions are usually good reference points — if we understand how to interpret them. The truth is the person you want to end up with is the person who makes you feel a certain way. But how exactly?
1. This person should make you happy.
The most obvious of feelings sought after in a relationship, yet it is one that is often overlooked. We all go into a relationship looking for happiness — and when things are going well, we find it, however, more often than not, things end up going south. Sometimes the person who once made us happier than anyone else causes us nothing but pain. Or just more pain than ought to be caused by someone who supposedly loves you. It’s hard to navigate your way out of such a situation. It’s not something anyone can help you with; you must make the decision of your own accord. Just keep in mind our lives are short. If our days are filled with more despair than happiness, then how can we say we’re living life right?
2. This person should make you excited about life.
This person elevates your overall mood and makes you look forward to things that never excited you before. You begin to see the world as a more pleasant, fair place. If the person you are with can’t get you excited, then you shouldn't be with them. You should be excited to see them, excited to spend time with them, excited to wake up in the morning and go through your day because you’re going through your day knowing you have them to come home to. If the person you are with doesn’t make it at least a smidgen easier to get out of bed in the morning, then you haven’t found the one.
3. This person should make you feel at peace with yourself.
It’s important to find the right person to share your life with because having they makes you the right person. It’s not that this person changes you — even though he or she often does – this person makes you appreciate the person you are. If you weren’t the person you are, then you probably would have never found each other — you have no choice but to be at peace with yourself and the life you’ve created for yourself.
4. This person should make you feel secure.
The feeling of security is arguably the most crucial in a relationship. Our lives are filled with uncertainty; that’s the way it has always been. In fact, evolution itself favoured those who were the quickest to adapt to this uncertainty, to the inevitable and unknowable changes that occur every minute of every day. Nothing in life is secure because in the end, we lose all of it. But we’re not talking about the tangible world. We’re talking about feelings. The only partner who’s a keeper is one who makes you feel secure in the belief that he or she will never abandon you.
5. This person should give you hope.
He or she gives you the hope that your life will be a good one. This person gives you the hope that you won’t end up alone. Your partner should give you the hope that you can create for yourself the life you always dreamed of. But more than that, this person gives you hope in humanity. When you find someone you believe to be an incredible human being, you begin to have the hope that the world isn’t as dark and brutal as you’ve believed it to be. It gives the you hope that the world can be filled with love.
6. This person should give you courage.
Your partner should give you the courage to take risks you otherwise wouldn’t have never taken. This person gives you the courage to do things you never had the guts to do before. He or she makes you believe in you. No matter how big your ego, no matter how intelligent you are, how courageous you already are, how ambitious and crafty you are, there will always come a time when you’re faced with making a choice or doing something you just don’t have it in you to do alone. That’s why we find partners in life; they give us the strength we need to do that which we thought ourselves incapable of doing.
7. This person should spark your curiosity.
The world is a fascinating place — catalysts for curiosity abound. Yet so many of us manage to get bored. We manage to lose interest. We throw ourselves into these routines that have no end in sight, just an ever-spinning mouse wheel of monotony. It’s this seemingly stagnant lifestyle that bores us, that makes us lose one of consciousness’ most precious gifts: curiosity. When you meet the one, you’ll know he or she is the one because this person will spark that curiosity in you. You will be so fascinated by him or her that you’ll feel as if you’ve been slung back in time. In other words, this person makes you feel like a kid again.
8. This person should make you feel comfortable in your own skin.
Not everyone loves his or herself — for some, it’s much more difficult than it is for others. Regardless of whether or not you love the person you are, having someone who loves you gives you a little extra reassurance. The right person will make you feel proud to be you even when it’s difficult to be proud. Sometimes we doubt ourselves. Sometimes we make mistakes that take a significant toll. Sometimes the world and all the inconsiderate pricks running around it make us feel like garbage. When you find the one, everyone else stops mattering. As far as you’re concerned, it’s just the two of you.
9. This person should make you feel lucky.
Luck is a funny thing… although we don’t feel like we need it, we love it when we feel lucky. It makes us feel like there is some force outside of us, guiding us and making our lives just a little bit easier, destined even. The one you choose to spend your life with is the one you consider to be your winning lottery ticket. If you don’t feel like you are one of the luckiest individuals in the world for having the one you love stumble into your life, then you probably aren’t that lucky. And that is cause for worry.
10. This person should make you feel worried.
Not on purpose — you have to be careful with this. The person who tells you he or she loves you should not be the same person who makes you worry pointlessly. There are more than enough reasons to worry as is — you don’t need someone only adding more stress. When we love someone, truly love someone, we worry about him or her. When this person’s phone dies, we worry. When this person’s flight gets delayed, we worry. When this person puts his or herself in any potential danger — no matter how unlikely — we worry. Maybe not a lot… but the worst-case scenarios often come to mind.
11. This person should sometimes make you feel sad.
Not often and never on purpose, but the right person for you will inevitably make you sad. No one can meet all of his or her own expectations, let alone the expectations of others. We make mistakes. We have moments of weakness. We make poor decisions. Perfect people don’t exist, but the person you should be with is the person who will do everything in his or her power to make sure you stay smiling. This person wants to fill your life with as much joy as possible because he or she knows one day the two of you will lose each other. This thought alone makes the both of you incredibly sad. And that’s a good thing.