We love our boyfriends. They're great. They smell good most of the time, have strong arms, give good hugs and listen to us bitching about our thigh fat when really, they couldn't give a shit. However, constantly being together has its downsides. When you're spend too much time with one person, it becomes acceptable to hate them a little bit. It's natural, it's hormonal, it's life. Here are 13 occasions when it's perfectly OK to hate your boyfriend...
1) Your Time Of The Month
We are bloated, moody and bleeding. We hate ourselves and everyone around us, especially anyone with a penis. You are our least favorite kind of person right about now. We feel cheated, sad and generally shit, and your lad antics are not going to make us feel any better. Nothing you can say will help this situation, so just keep quiet and bring us chocolate.
2) When He Comes Home Drunk
Yes, you can enjoy yourselves, dear men. Please do. Go out there and have a blast. Just do not, I repeat, do NOT, wake us up in the process. Do not text us, ring us, slam the door, turn on the light or breathe your alcohol-spiced breath anywhere near me. Thanks, appreciate it.
3) When He Blows You Off For His Friends
Not fucking cool. Ever. Yes, we need some time apart, obviously. Making time for friends is vital and necessary and helps us both remain sane. Schedule in some friend time. By all means, be our guest. However, do not make plans with us and then leave us high and dry... and angry and alone. That's not cool.
4) When You Get Mad And He Blames Your 'Period'
We are human beings and the world is frequently an unjust place. Sometimes we ladder our tights, miss the bus, get rained on, pick the worst thing on the menu, feel ugly and sometimes, to make it even worse, it happens on a Tuesday. So sometimes, when you get home and you're in a bad mood, the word 'period' is the last thing you want to hear.
5) When You Get The World's Worst Present
You've put thought, time and effort into his present. You know he's going to love it - in fact, you're pretty excited to give it to him. The moment of truth arrives, you hand over his present with anticipation and joy. Then, you open yours... It's shit. Shitter than shit. He will pay for this in the near future, of that much you're certain.
6) When He Forgets An Important Date
Men, by nature, are utterly useless at remembering things that don't involve football, boobs or banter. Anniversaries, Valentine's and even your birthday are all high risk. Christmas is safe because no moron would ever forget Christmas. At least, I hope not...
7) When He Tries To Be A Total 'Lad'
I have no idea why, but this makes my blood boil. I should see that it's just him trying to be one of the lads, just trying to fit in and be cool. Honestly though, I really fucking hate when he's loud and curses and farts to impress people. Not cool.
8) When He Gets All Moody But Refuses To Admit It
This is annoying. Us girls get all the rap for being moody when men are just as bad themselves. Men have man-periods, this is a known fact. Girls, at the very least, have the common decency to admit they're moody. Men, stop covering up your lies, they are far too transparent. Embrace the emotional.
9) Morning Time
Mornings, I have decided, are not my friend. Mornings with your boyfriend are a whole other ball game. From stealing the duvet to taking up the whole bed, to farting in their sleep and terrible morning breath, it's not pretty. Add this in with tiredness, not appreciating his morning glory and wanting to go back to sleep and you have yourself a recipe for hatred.
10) When They Don't Listen
Of course, as women, we like to think that everything we say is of the utmost importance and when others don't listen to what we have to say, the shit will hit the fan. Granted, we tend to blab on for far too long about everyone and everything that catches our eye, but is your full and focused attention too much to ask for? I think not.
11) When He Obnoxiously Checks Someone Out In Front Of You
Naturally, hot people will walk past you. Not checking them out would be unnatural, but have a little respect and do it subtly. Don't comment on other girls, don't crane your neck to gawp at their arse, don't be a dick.
12) When He Makes Secret Plans
Men have a terrible habit of doing this. Not fully committing to plans with you, being shifty, shady, not giving full disclosure and then dropping a new plan on you out of nowhere. A classic example of this is when he tells you he's going out with the lads while walking out the front door. Revenge?
13) When He Gets His Happy Ending (And You Don't)
What a selfish little man. Yes, I did say little. If he's getting off and you're still stuck on board the train with no final destination, it's ok to hop off and batter someone in the process. Sure, every now and then it's ok to be selfish in bed - that's allowed. What isn't so acceptable is being riled up to the max and getting none of the payback. Angry girl alert.