So you've really gone and done it this time. You've seen a totes cute pattern somewhere and decided that the next, most logical next step is getting it inked into your skin as a sort of forever reminder of those times back when you were a complete mad bastard with no limits to your levels of 'cray'. No matter how original, how unique, how badass you think you're being, the chances of your tattoo actually being a really original piece is slim, to absolutely fucking impossible. Here are 19 of the shittest cliched tattoos ever and what they say about you....
1) A Former Lover's Name
On a scale of one to ten, I'd say you're an off the wall dickhead. Look at your life, look at your choices and stop looking me in the eye right now.
2) Mom, Usually Surrounded By A Loveheart
You're likely to still be attached to the tit. Cute.
3) Song Lyrics
This one wholly and totally depends on the song choice; for example, something modern and pop-esq, (Rihanna lyrics, say) usually tell me that you haven't ventured outside of your hometown for the past 12 years. Shine bright like the diamond that you are Hun.
On the deeper end of the spectrum, we have those inked with scrawling Depeche Mode lyrics that 'totally reflect on the many moody thoughts that ebb through my creative little skull every day'. Deep.
4) Book Quotes And Other Bookworm Hints
You don't like to brag about it, but you're about 76% more cultured than anyone else you know, but it's no big deal. Really.
You probably have the imagination of a yellow crayon stuck inside a toilet roll holder.
6) Inspirational Quotes
You're deeper than a ten euro fishbowl in Santa Ponsa and you're not afraid to show it. You really feel as though you're helping those less fortunate and cheery around you by flaunting your 'live every day like it's your last' and 'never a failure, always a lesson' moving motivational musings at every given opportunity.
7) Tribal Tattoos
You're the most manly man you know and believe me, you know a lot of manly men. If you had a sound effect it'd go a little something like 'rawr' and your most prized possession is unquestionably your dick.
What's cooler than being cool? Being you, fucking obviously.
9) Chinese Symbols
In the likely case that you're 34 and are plagued with regret at your poor decision to get 'Chicken chow mein' tattooed on your lower back, well then, rest assured. I'm sure tramp stamps will come back into fashion in no time at all. No, seriously.
10) Nautical Themed Shit
I could be mistaken here, but unless your middle name happens to be Popeye or you're a secret member of the Navy, then....why?
11) A Moustache On Your Finger
Please excuse me while I go comb my beard and quinoa my life up before I deem myself worthy of your time and attention.
Does your butterfly symbolise your love for all things free, fun and exciting? Does it rest gracefully on your lower back and did it cost roughly fifty small ones? Tick, tick and TICK.
You're more available than a cat lady on a Tuesday night. You're independent, a creative genius and probably a vegan too, but don't worry, you won't need to get to know people before telling them this. Blurting it out randomly is just fine too.
14) A Cross
You may not have stepped inside a church since 2007, but don't let that stop you, after all, crosses are so darn hot right now. Amen to that.
You just have so much love to give that you need to wear your badly drawn heart on your sleeve or even more likely, your left boob. Literally.
16) Music Notes Behind Your Ear
What's that you have? A musical ear, IS IT? How clever of you, that's just music to my little ears. Har har har.
17) A Portrait Of A Famous Person
I'm sure this minor celebrity's already privileged life would be just that little bit brighter were they to discover their already overexposed face plastered all over your skin. Touched even, I'd say.
18) A Henna Type Pattern
Most likely obtained in a dingy back-alley parlour after 'discovering' yourself while cartwheeling through India. Do us all a favour here and re-discover your former and hopefully less knobby self ASAP.
19) Your Favourite Football Team's Crest
There's nothing I can even really say here that'll make this all ok. Sorry.