5 Reasons Why Naked Selfies Are Never A Good Idea

Whether you’re in a long-term, meaningful relationship or as horny as a dog with two dicks, it is never ever a good idea to send a naked selfie. The current technology situation means that, when you send a dick-pic, your pecker will forever remain in cyberspace. Here are 5 reasons why naked selfies are never a good idea.

-You probably have a small dick.

No matter how flattering the photograph is, compared to some of the lads on the world wide web, your piece resembles an average party sausage. If she really wants a picture of your dick, screen-shot one from google. She’ll be none the wiser. Be realistic though bro, if you’re a pale, skinny freak, you’re probably not packing a 12-inch porridge slinger.

-It will go viral.

It’s incredibly easy to upload an image to the internet these days. Like, literally a child could do it. There are more examples of this than I care to mention. You can become an internet sensation within seconds, and not in a good way.

-Your Mom and Dad use the internet.

This ties in with the second point. If you’re adamant that you want to send the naked selfie, take a moment to think about your parents (and maybe even grandparents) who might have social media accounts. They also definitely know people who use the internet. In the event that your naked selfie goes further than the intended party, it is a highly probable outcome that people in your family will hear about it. This isn’t something you want... unless you’re weird.


-You’ll regret it immediately.

Have you ever heard of the ‘after-cum blues’? Yeah, take that and multiply it by about a million. Trust me, no matter how hard you blow your load, you will 100% regret it. Just don’t do it.

-No matter how much you trust the recipient, other people will see it.

Even if you’re madly in love, you probably won’t be in two years... but she’ll still have a picture of your piece. If you piss her off she can blackmail the living fuck out of you.

Know what looks good on a C.V.? Published work! If you’re interested in joining the College Times team, please email us ([email protected]). We’d love to hear from you!

Rudolph Brotherton
Article written by
Rudolph is an under-achieving, morally defunct, self-professed ladies man. His hobbies include sex, pugs and rock ‘n’ roll. He makes Johnny Bravo look like Postman Pat. He is the real deal. The original Heartbreak Kid. Looking to improve your game with the ladies? Listen very carefully...

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