As a father you have a responsibility to pass on your wisdom. For better or for worse your son is going to pick up a lot from you. Make sure you pass on these 10 nuggets of manly, men's masculine, alpha male knowledge.
1) To shave
Even Homer Simpson knew this was a man's duty. Sadly my dad never taught me, instead I learned the hard way with cuts aplenty aboard the train to Irish College. Looking back I'd still have chosen the cuts over my prepubescent ronnie.
2)How to survive when Mom is away for the weekend
This one, my dad perfected. A walk to the chipper or out for dinner followed by one big cleanup on Sunday night to hide the crimes of the weekend.
3)To drink your spirits straight
A real man, a man's man lets say, drinks their spirit straight everyone knows that. We can't all be like JD in scrubs and stick to the 'Appletini, easy on the tini'. You would be ridiculed by manly men worldwide.
4)Give a manly hug
There are rare moments when a man is required to give a hug, however, when this moment comes along you better be prepared. If unknown to you here's a quick guide: arms spread eagle like, step forward into the hug and clasp. Then a few extremely forceful slaps on the back. Whoever slaps harder is more of a man in this scenario.
5)Teach your son standards
Absolutely bloody essential. Women, drink and food; only the finest please.
Again only the finest please, bloody vital. Here a man must teach his son how to tie a tie, how to dress co-ordinately and most importantly how to dress for a night out on the raz a ma tazz. If you need any help here follow Dada David's lead.
7)To pee standing up
A baby is like a puppy in that it pees anywhere and everywhere. Instead of sending your son to the dog trainer, teach him how to pee standing up. Also let him know, he's a man now, he can go wherever he likes Big-Daddy style.
No time for a fishy handshake here, we're not in wezz, go firm and go hard and most importantly who ever looks away first loses. The manly handshake consists of 2 rounds, whoever's hand hurts the most and whoever stares the longest. Win both and you'll have your opponents respect.