Killing A Sacred Cow: 8 Reasons The 2018 World Cup Is A Load Of Sh*te

Killing A Sacred Cow: 8 Reasons The 2018 World Cup Is A Load Of Sh*te

The World Cup is not something I'm pretending to understand. To me, it's just a group of men cheering and running after a ball. Sometimes I wonder if there's something in that ball; a golden ticket, a Friends sequel or, maybe, the Holy Grail.

It's okay that I don't get it but what I do get is the absolute annoying qualities of the World Cup.

1. Where Are The WAGS?

Before Love Island gave us stereotypical gender roles, WAGs (wives and girlfriends of footballers) dominated the WC.

After the likes of Rooney (Coleen), Cole (Cheryl) and Beckham (Victoria) retired, we don't have any decent WAGS left. Where's Victoria Beckham's new groundbreaking hairdo? Do her and Cheryl Cole actually get on? We'll never know.

Let's bring WAGS back but this time let's break down barriers and call it BAGS - Boyfriends and girlfriends of footballers. Not only is it inclusive but it also gives us so much more opportunity for drama and pointless Daily Mail headlines.


2. Robbie Williams Middle Finger

You know it's time to fire the heads of the World Cup when they hire Robbie Williams as the opening act. Even Robbie used the opportunity to flip a few hundred million off, mirroring how us paupers felt at home having to watch this absolute muck. Thanks, Robbie, thanks very much.

3. Eejits Like This

Football has an awful name for being misogynistic, racist, homophobic and xenophobic, so why not openly declare that female voices are too 'high-pitched' to be commentators during footballs most important tournament?:


4. The Endless Ads

I love Florence and The Machine as much as the next person but if I hear that song 'Hunger' on RTÉ one more time I'll eat someone in protest. Don't get me started on that Shirley Bassey ad with yer man from Little Britain.


5. The Stans

Nothing to do with football leaves my lips. I say nothing to no one about football. Why? 'Cause I'm clueless. You know what else is clueless and uncomfortable, watching someone who knows nothing about football pretending to know something about football. We all see you.

6. Football Not Being A Martial Art

As a first time viewer and knowing the little that I know, I didn't think wrestling or judo was a part of kicking around a ball?


7. The Creepy Fans

Speaking of body contact, sexually harassing women live on air as they try to do their jobs is not cute.


8. From Russia With Love

Aside from Russia's lax attitude when it comes to human rights, what makes Russia so bloody great? They got the Winter Olympics and the World Cup.

We all know the reason why we got Robbie Williams as the opening act, FIFA and Russia are decades behind the rest of the world.  What's next for Russia? World domination? A weird tape of Putin and Trump cackling over the demise of Hilary Clinton?

With three weeks left until the final, anything can happen, and a lot will get added to this list.

Also Read: The Official Trailer Has Dropped For The Pope's Irish Concert

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