Rampant materialism; the acquisition of goods, participation in unfettered commercial consumerism - 'tis for this we live, 'tis for this we strive. Well, to this end, Aldi have announced a deal which I will, without hesitation and in good faith, call a big prosecco-based bonanza.
"What exactly have they done to warrant the term 'big prosecco-based bonanza', surely this is not a title to be meted out willy-nilly?" I hear you ask. Well, what they've done is announce an offer whereby if you buy one bottle of Aldi's DOC Prosecco, they will give you a second bottle for free.
Rejoice, rejoice and savour Aldi's infinite largess, for it is to be celebrated.
Though that said, there are evidently heavily associated Ts & Cs. The offer will be available in all Aldi stores nationwide this Thursday from 10:30am. So get sharpening those elbows as the offer will only be valid while stocks last and consequently there will surely be scenes of violence and rioting reminiscent of the worst excesses of Black Friday.
The offer is also limited to one per transaction. However, given that there are 137 Aldis throughout Ireland, that offers the possibility of conducting 137 discrete transactions. Personally, I can't imagine a more festive image than someone spending a day or more, in the immediate run up to Christmas, touring every Aldi on this island in a presumably dilapidated hatchback that is becoming increasingly laden with bottles of store-brand prosecco. After a certain point, at €8 a bottle, the savings you make on 137 free bottles of prosecco will outweigh any expenditure on fuel and loss of earnings from driving around in your excessively weighted and clanking vehicle. I vehemently believe that somewhere out there, there is a dad who will attempt this.