Life

Drunk, Broke and Hungry: Six Harsh Truths About College Life

So the summer sunsets have lost their appeal and being outdoors is boring again. Hours of Netflix have comforted you through the final weeks of marginally hotter weather, but your mind wanders from hours of TV and false promises of exercise and fitness, to the prospect of college. It's safe to say that academic excellence is your first intention, but what about other aspects? College is not (necessarily) an endless stream of essays and grossly idealistic study plans. It's about who you are now, and who you want to become in the future. But there's hope for you yet! Here are six truths you'll come to respect and love about college:

1) Friends Forever

That Breakfast Clubesque ensemble of other simple-minded folk that you bonded with over mutual awkwardness and little else in the first few days of adult life will slowly lose their appeal when college starts. You have better friends now. Friends who don't need you to explain your problems and can empathise when your Arts course stretches over ten hours every second week. Because let's face it, it's not like you'll attend anyway.

2) Hilariously And Continuously Broke

Unlike the movie version of college you're accustomed to, you aren't going to be a less than subtle example of product placement for the latest fads. You have fuck all money and charities don't cater to you when you spend all of said money on dodgy cocktails, burritos and "edgy" shit that you don't really need whatsoever. Although your lack of money doesn't affect your ability to intricately and neurotically plan every single thing that you would buy, were you finally equipped enough to do so.

3) Dorms Are Disgusting

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Unlike in movies, messes and awkward one-night stands don't magically disappear the morning after and no one wants to clean up, so no one does. Five-week food stains are commonplace, and honestly, neatness is overrated anyway. What's more, people stop pretending to know how to wash clothes and if there's one thing your parents love on your infrequent visits home, it has to be washing your three-week old crusty jeans. *Shudder*

4) Lectures Are For Losers

Initially interesting, but two weeks in and you'll be wondering where you went wrong, and whether what the lecturer said was actually a real word or not. You try writing down notes, but you don't understand the concept of organisation (still don't) and anyway, who the hell could be bothered to sit there for two hours straight and type mind numbing shit when the notes can be robbed from someone?

5) Delusions About Drinking

Blind drunk isn't a saying, it’s a common occurrence from here on out. Your first few blurry nights are usually followed by remorseful mornings, but you're not alone. In your first few weeks, not embarrassing yourself may seem like a good thing to do, but eventually, questionably cheap drinks will win you over and you'll find faith, friendship and much-needed help in the collective efforts of your intoxicated friends to get home, get laid or some combination of the two.

6) Due Tomorrow, Do Tomorrow

Deadlines don't define your limits. You'll soon find yourself in a position where, through no fault of your own, you apparently don't qualify for an extension (€10 for 5 Jagerbombs is an extraordinary circumstance) and now you only have the morning to complete the essay. It can and will be done, and will set the standard for future work. At first, you may be all like, "This is nothing to me, I've got this" but then the cold truth sets in and you vary between furious writing and lying on the floor in near tears. Pick yourself up and trudge on, dear pal.

So there you have it, the truths of college life condensed, just for your simple little brain. Hopefully you'll survive until the end and become the cultured and clean individual you dream about being in four years or less. I mean, it probably won't happen, but have fun trying!

Jack Sargent
Article written by
Currently studying Law and trying to make sense of the great, big world we live in.

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