So it's Saturday night and you're ready to dance the night away with your gals, you're pre drinking THE SHIT out of that €6 vodka, it tastes like death but you guzzle it all the same because you are OUT. FOR. THE. NIGHT. You're ready to go, waiting for your mates to get it together, you're scrolling through Facebook then, it's time. It's time to get that Snapchat story started. Saturday night, locked out of your bin and it's not even 11 0' clock, here are the 5 stages of your Snapchat story.
This is so essential to start off your night, if not COMPULSORY! Oh yes. You better believe that you don't even care that your mate barely has her foundation on and there you are flashing your selfie camera in her face, here it comes. Selfie 01 of the night. This is the only decent picture you're going to have of the night as you're probably going to be the most sober at home, so keep that in mind, it only gets worse.
2. Lets Sing Some Shitty Song to the Taxi Man and Record it; *Automatically Adds to Story*
Yes it's true, here you are, in the taxi, gargled and a song comes on, a song that you very well know you or your mates can't sing but you decide to belt it out anyways, fair play BUT the regret you'll have tomorrow? Not to mention "the fear" good luck to you and that taxi driver for that matter.
3. The Dog Filter Has Never Seen as Much Action
Is this not what the filters were intended for? To drunk snap everyone you know with a fucking nose and floppy ears? If it's not then I don't want to live on this earth anymore. And the flower crown? Oh God, you can also now have 2 people in your flower crown filter, ugh, can't.
4. Lets Zoom into Every Persons Face
This has been an epidemic over the last year, WHY? WHY, WHY, WHY? So unflattering and what about all those bats in the cave? Ew. I honestly would love to know what goes through our heads, if I could soberly speak to my drunken self, I would probably end up getting really, really angry.
5. Recording Yourself Dancing to Some Throwback Tune
So you have the smoking and bar area sussed, there's nothing left to do but dance, dance like you don't give a fuck, like you'll never dance again. Now, now is the time to whip out that phone, own that dog filter. Will you care about how silly you look? Absolutely not. Will you most likely have serious fear the next morning looking at your story after doing those 6 shots in a row prior to coming onto the dance floor? Probably.
So look dolls, enjoy yourselves but take my advice, don't be that girl...because I am her.
Video: DRUNK SNAPCHAT Q&A