One of the main positives of going vegan is that it largely forces you to eat healthier, as most fast-food places invariably contravene your new moral standards - I imagine, I am far too morally bankrupt to consider no longer reaping the delicious rewards of industrial-agriculture. Well, with many restaurants and takeaways now accepting vegans as a viable group of customers that would enjoy eating something other than plain chips and tap-water, vegans will soon be able to lead lifestyles as unhealthy as the rest of us. Rejoice!
McDonald's have announced themselves as the latest fried food emporium to take this plunge. They have unveiled the rather aptly named 'McVegan', which, given their customary naming policy; that a McChicken sandwich contains meat from what could, if pressed, be biologically described as a 'chicken', makes the 'McVegan' sound as if they are pulverising vegans into burger patties which they then feed to other vegans. Thankfully though, this I'm almost absolutely certain is not the case, and the patty is in fact 'soy-based'.
The burger contains the aforementioned soy-based patty, tomato, lettuce, pickles and a vegan blend of much celebrated McFeast sauce all sandwiched between a bun. This is the McVegan. This blend of ingredients creates the burger that will be the saving grace of any late-night event where, when peeling off to grab food after stumbling out of whatever bar/ pub/ warehouse/ roller-disco you happen to frequent with your friends, you will no longer have to split up based on dietary requirements. You can all blissfully head together, arm in arm - regardless of moral outlook on the mechanised rearing and slaughter of animals - frolicking toward the Golden Arches.
Unfortunately though, for the moment they are only trialling the burger in the town of Tampere in Finland, which makes it something of an unrealistic distance for a late-night frolick. Personally, I will spit on you if you suggest 'frolicking' as a means of getting somewhere anywhere beyond a 2 kilometre radius of my immediate location. You almost certainly have your own cut off points for what constitutes a reasonable distance to frolick, but I will wager everything I own it does not stretch to 'Tampere, Finland'.
The burger is being trialled there from October 4 to November 21. McDonald's have yet to announce plans to release it in Ireland, or anywhere else. Presumably this is dependent on how the trial goes, so if we want to ever see this make its way to Irish shores it is imperative we start a lobbying group to try pressure the people of Tampere to eat as many of these so-and-so's as possible during this trial. People of Tampere, do your service to mankind. Purchase a McVegan. Purchase three. Purchase an entire sack full of them; design a pillow out of them; buy them for the homeless, buy them for the homed. Just go out and buy the damn things.