Ahhhhh, the pill. Once illegal on our shores, it is now one of the most used and relied upon methods of avoiding pregnancy ever. Most women nowadays will have had some experience of being on the pill, whether it be for contraception, to alleviate cramps or to get rid of the spots on your back (or, as I like to call it- back-ne). The pill has its benefits, but speak to any woman and they will sure as hell tell you about its disadvantages too. Here are the ugly truths about being on the pill:
1) You Need A Good Memory.
'Oh, shit! I forgot to take my pill, is a sentence you do not want to say often if you plan on avoiding jumping on a one-way bus to Parentville. If you want to start the pill, you have to remember to take it at the same time EVERY BLOODY DAY. I need a sequence of about ten alarms and reminders on my phone just to remind me. Stressville, population: me.
2) You Bleed, For Like A Week.
Grim, but it's true. Generally speaking for most women the first week of taking the pill will result in bleeding from your vagina. Fab. Kind of counteracts its original purpose, no?
3) It Makes You A Hormonal Mess.
*Drops a fork on the floor* Queue inconsolably crying for two hours. WHYYYYYY?!?!
4) It Can Make You Fat.
Doesn't happen for everyone and generally, if you get put the right pill it won't happen at all. For some girls, however, it will lead to an increase in appetite and also an increase in the size of your jeans. *Sad face*
5) It Diminishes Your Sex Drive.
The main reason I'm on the pill is so I can have more sex. And now, I don't even want to. Fan-fucking-tastic.
6) Mood Swings.
I can go from fluffy little kitten to ferocious lion hunting for prey in about 0.6 seconds flat.
7) Blood Clots.
Yep, the pill has been known to cause the clotting of blood. This is an extremely rare side effect, but still, the very fact that it could happen at all breaks me out in a heavy sweat anyway.
8) Be Sure Not To Vomit.
Yeah, basically if you vomit or have an upset stomach within four hours of taking it, then it doesn't work and you'll have to use other forms of contraception for a week. *Deep breathing folks*
9) It's Not 100% Effective.
You'd think that pumping your body full of hormones on a daily basis would ensure that you don't get pregnant. But no, as with every form of contraception there's no promise of complete protection whatsoever. UGH.
10) It Doesn't Protect You From STI's.
Nothing but abstinence (and condoms protect against most types) will protect your genitals from becoming infected. FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC I JUST LOVE LIFE.
11) It Doesn't Get Rid Of Cramps Completely.
You take it under the impression that your cramps will go away. But no, they're only alleviated a teeny tiny bit. Why do I even bother?
12) Your Boobs Hurt Like Hell.
If you thought your boobs were sensitive prior to a visit from Aunt Flo' before, prepare not to be able to cross your arms without wincing when on the pill. On the plus side though, they might get bigger...