A woman has attempted to throw a poo out of a window on a date. Obviously it didn't go well and obviously I am now going to write about it.
Dating can be a tricky business, it's as likely to go catastrophically wrong and add yet another mental scar to your ever-growing collection as it is to go well and actually lead to something more. This is particularly true nowadays where any slight shenanigan or mishap is easily shareable on social media.
Well this Tinder date fiasco is no 'slight shenanigan', it's what I'd class as a full-blown, and I don't use the word lightly, 'fiasco'. One of those kinds of fiascos where you're on a date with a man named Liam Smyth, notice that the toilet in his house doesn't flush properly, so you try and swaddle your own poo in toilet paper before hurling it out a window before realising that the poo has not in fact flown away to safety but has become stuck between two panes in this peculiarly designed window, so you naturally decide that the best way of rectifying the situation - as you are a gymnast and thus are relatively flexible and a natural go-to if someone were ever to be called upon to try retrieve a poo trapped between two window panes - is to slither your body into this gap but then get trapped upside down, alongside your poo, in this glazed netherworld and your date has to call the fire brigade to come and rescue you and subsequently dispose of your poo. That kind of fiasco.
Liam Smyth, the owner of the window, and datee, recounts the entire story in glorious detail on a GoFundMe page set up to try cover the £200 cost of replacing the damaged and sullied window. Like the window, that target has already been smashed, and the page currently has registered donations totalling £2,660 as of the time of writing. He has also received offers for the window to be replaced for free and has pledged to donate all money raised to charity.
It's an absolutely staggering story, that involves so many hilariously poor decisions, it seems implausible. Thankfully there is photographic proof of the whole debacle. It really puts into perspective what we may before have considered to be our own stories of dating disasters and I think, until you are trapped in a date's bathroom, clutching your own turd swaddled in newspaper, you've gotten off lightly.