Many people jump head first into relationships without thinking and this Valentines will be the dawn of that for some/many/possibly a few of you out there. But how about we just stop for a second to think about whether or not many of us are even ready for a relationship. What are your current commitments? Are you currently just looking for a f*ck buddy? Are you just going to take off on a J1 during the summer? Will exam stress be too much? Would it just be better if you had some company for tonight and then left it at that? These are all things you need to think about because to use my favourite cliche, it does indeed take two to tango, and someone will inevitably will get hurt. Well lets delve a little deeper. Here are a few things to check on to see if you're ready to leave that special someone in:
1. Do you feel like your past relationships define you?
Have you, as a single person, come to bury any negative experiences you've had in past relationships and built on these experiences to become the person you are now? Is there a chance that these buried feelings could re emerge once a relationship is on the cards and is it something that a potential other half may become aware of. If you can keep it buried and you have dealt with it then that's all well and good but if its likely to come up then you have to be aware that it could interfere. If you are ready to talk and your new partner can’t accept your history, then they’re not worth your time anyways...just telling you this now so you're not cursing yourself when you're in your rocking chair knitting jumpers or whatever it is old people do these days...
2. Are you a jealous person?
More often than not, jealousy is a one sided affair. Your other half will not be able to understand where your jealousy has come from as it could come about for a number of reasons. Is she or he just a friendly person who is popular or who treats everyone with the same respect they show you? You have to understand that this will be completely your hang up and shouldn't become an issue between you. Unless of course he is openly pursuing someone else. But tread softly, as flirting in the eyes of a jealous person is friendly conversation in the eyes of someone else.
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3. Are you on the rebound?
It more than likely won't work, okay so maybe it does work in some extreme cases. But what you really want is just comfort from someone else...or you want to pretend that someone else is the best part of what you just lost, or just get laid. If it's the last one you might feel a lil bit dirty. You shouldn't it's just rebounding. In fact you might feel slightly confused for a while.
4. Are you confident in yourself?
It's one thing being confident on the outside and having a wall up but worrying about what others think about you can see you become quite shallow in a relationship. Constantly questioning little things and always having to be reassured by your partner will be very draining. Sure a little bit of it can be cute but certain people will feel suffocated very quickly if you don't leave them breath, so to speak.
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5. Have you a millionty one things to do?
Are you studying, hitting the gym, working at weekends, hanging with friends and getting the odd night out all at once? If so it just sounds like you'll be sacrificing one or more of those things for your new relationship. And yes, that seems rather blunt but how often do you hear friends moaning to other friends about another one of your friends that spends every waking hour with their new girlfriend or boyfriend. It's not healthy... and as soon as the break up comes you'll be cramming to catch up on study, or will have put on weight from missing the gym or head straight back to your mates who will either have no pity for you or mutter the inevitable "I told you so" under their breath. If you do have time for a relationship then it should make sense for all involved and not seem like a chore. Every aspect of your life is important, not just one.
If you are aware of all these, can answer them positively and have respect for each other then the two of you have a great chance, especially from tonight on...
