Ahhh Copper Face Jacks. The place in which dignity dies, romances flourish and nights are lost. From the Jagerbomb sticky floor to the 'shifting' couches in the corner, it's an institution in its own right. Coppers has a reputation as being the place in which to find some definite action and for most, this is true. I once read an article that said if the lighting was increased by 10% in Coppers, the rate of STDS in Dublin would decrease noticably. That's a lovely picture of Ireland right there isn't it? Men and women flock to Coppers, some on a mission for action and in my opinion, there is no greater place in which to hear some horrifically cheesy lines, than in our most famous nightclub. Here are some classics to try out for yourself, you're welcome in advance.
11) "Close your eyes. What do you see?"
Nothing.
"Well that's your future without me."
Oh fucking dear mate. The worst thing is that this is likely to work on an exceptionally drunk and desperate person. The worst combination there is. Otherwise the offender might just lob the gob once you close your eyes. So don't.
10) "I kneed you."
So you're there minding your own business, downing the shots and twerking like a motherfucker, when, from nowhere, some weirdo appears at your side, kneels down and tells you that they "kneed you." Oh dear baby jesus. Run away as fast as you can without falling (again.)
9) "Ah Jaysus I'd say you're a (wo)man from across the Shannon anyway, big bogger accent on ya."
Thanks very much, there I was thinking I've been projecting an air of grace and cool, being all cosmopolitan in the big bad smoke and you've just crushed my little bubble of falseness. Wanker.
8) "This is not me hitting on you, but christ you've got great hair."
I'm not quite sure as to whether or not this qualifies as a chat up line, but fuck it, try it anyway. Then just slowly turn and walk away and wait for them to follow. You're sleazing but they won't even know it. Genius.
7) "Here, dya fancy a bit of my naggin?"
There is no faster way to a Copper-goers heart than through a schneaky naggin. The French get roses and croissants. We get three different types of vodka and flat Club Orange and we couldn't be happier about it.
6) "Oh I come here ALLLL the time, sure I live just around the corner."
BAM YOU'RE GETTING ALL OF THE ACTION. If you too are lucky enough to live around the corner from Coppers, then you may invest in a decent mattress because damn, you is getting lucky for the foreseeable future.
5) "Sure fuck it, c'mon lets go and dance."
There is nothing someone shitfaced wants to hear more than a dancing proposition. God, we love to dance and dancing in Coppers is on another level, what with all of the Boyzone and Wagon Wheeling being done. Just don't make the rookie mistake of dancing all night long and tiring them out. I know someone who did this over and over again and was totally confused as to why he could never bring a girl home. T.M.D.
4) "Any chance of a shift?"
The English get to go to the Isle of Fernando's, we get to go to Shifters. Says it all really. If only Ray appeared in Coppers to warn you of all of the fruitloops, there would be no likey no lighty whatsoever. But sure we'll shift anyway, a shift's a shift, after all.
3) "Oh you're from Cork, do you know my friend Sean?"
Yeah I'd say I know Sean on a personal level alright, it's a commonly known fact that Cork is lacking in Seans. I think I once spotted him from across the road and have creeped on Facebook, but for the sake of a drink and hopefully some action, I know him really well. Oh Ireland, you minuscule teabag sized island you.
2) "Do you have the number for a vet?" *flexes bicep* "Because these swans are SICK"
This only works if the person has biceps larger than a withered plum. However, on the large chance that they do not, then maybe just give them a sympathy shift for effort, poor pet.
1) "So are ya a Nurse or a Guard?"
This wouldn't be considered a chat up line in anywhere else but Coppers, due to the fact that nurses and guards make up the vast majority of thier clientele. So if, for some MAD reason, none of the above worked for you (it's purely the delivery in that case), then take a safe bet that this WILL work. Say it to enough people and you'll most definitely hit upon one of these common and wonderful species. Lucky you. Apparently they get a discount and all. Kerching.
Go forth and Score Copper attendees.
