Sh*te Every Irish Father Has Said At Some Point:

Your dad is the man of the house, the guy who puts food on the table and provides you with a roof over your head until you're ready to fly the nest, or until he kicks you out. The one main difference between your mam and dad, is that one is dying to get rid of you and the other never wants you to leave. I'll let you decide which one is which! Every dads has an endless litany of special phrases and sayings that they like to reel off. Any of these sound familiar?

1. 'Go on my son'

Father's up and down the country are often heard screaming these words on the sidelines of a local sports match, in fiery encouragement of their youngsters.

2. 'Listen to your mother'

Ahh yes, he doesn't want to know most of the time and tries to pawn you off to your more strict mother, the real leader of the household.


3. 'Rise and shine'

He'll love to enter your room when you're hungover at 7am, saying it's late, and throwing a wet face cloth over your face while smashing some pots and pans together. He may even get your younger siblings in on the act if you have any.

4. 'Eejit' 'Scallywag' 'Turnip'

He has his own way of cursing

Your dad uses his quite funny, old-fashioned curses to insult you. The F word is saved for match day.


5. 'What time do you call this?'

He'll often say this when you stumble in the door drunk at 5am, waking everybody in your house up in the process.

6. 'Oh NOW you want my help?'

He'll hold a grudge and make you feel guilty for asking him a favour when you need it.


7. 'If your mam says yes then you can'

He doesn't want to deal with your arguments as well as your mam's. Over the years he has found it's best to let your mam make most of the decisions.

8. 'Quiet, the football is on'

Nobody should disturb your dad when he's watching the weekend football.


9. 'How much more money will you be costing me?'

He'll always remind you just how much he has spent on you!

10. 'Leave your sister alone'

You'll hear a thunderous ROAR from downstairs after you poke and prod your little sister for your own amusement.


11. 'When are you moving out?'

He may say this half-jokingly, but it's also half-serious! Just be thankful he doesn't ask you this at 18. But to be fair, 28-years-old is taking the piss!

12. 'Go outside and get some fresh air'

Ah the days when you were enjoying playing the latest FIFA during a summer afternoon and your dad barged in, turned off your Playstation and told you to feck off!


13. 'I've never known rain like it'

You're 52, you MUST have known rain like it!

14. 'You were like an elephant coming up the stairs last night'

He has a point here. Remember when you crawled up the stairs, swinging from the banisters while thinking you were Tom Cruise from the latest Mission Impossible? That was all your head - you were really like a tank flying down a mountain!


15. 'You're not getting a lift off me..'

Always when you most need it, he'll conveniently turn you down.

16. 'When's the dinner ready?'

Said every dad, EVER.


17. 'Will you get out of that shower…!'

After all, 3 and a half minutes is too long for anybody to spend in the shower, right?

18. 'That's a lovely morning for the golf'

Your dad loves to appreciate the simple pleasures in life, like a faintly sunny day. He can't have been like that when he was your age, could he?


19. 'Put the immersion on!'

When he wants to have a bath in about 6 hours, he'll be sure to shout up to you and let you know!

20. 'Come on, I'll be late for work'

He surprisingly offers to give you a lift in the morning but ensures that you hear ALL about it the whole drive in.


21. 'You're not drinking all THAT!?'

Your dad is somewhat of a lightweight and is shocked at the amount that your generation pre-drinks before going out! "It's only a shoulder and 2 cans, I'll be grand will you stop?!"

22. 'Stick to the pints, shorts are a mad man's drink'

Your dad appreciates the odd glass of Jameson but doesn't approve of you drinking it!


23. 'Ah sure there's plenty of hot water there for a bath'

You sit in the bath with lukewarm water barely covering your legs...

24. 'Ah get up and dance with your mother'

Often heard at your uncle's wedding when you've gone past the age of sliding around the dancefloor on your knees.


25. 'In MY day'

He loves to remind you about everything that was different "back in the day."

26. 'How do you work this contraption?'

He doesn't know how to work the most basic of mobile phones.


27. 'Internet?'

Technology is utterly wasted on him. Have you ever tried to explain what YouTube is or how an external hard drive works? What a nightmare.

28. 'Bloody women drivers'

He'll rarely say it in the presence of your mam, but when he does it's pure gold!

29. 'Ah go on then'

You're dad gives in very easily when you pester him for something.

Ian Smith
Article written by
Ian is a contributing writer for CollegeTimes. He is currently partying his ass off for the Summer having spent the past 7 years at various colleges across the globe. While by no means an athlete, he considers himself a world class darts player... If you tweet him he will not respond.

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