Painkillers, Pasta & Plastic Everything: The Essential Fresher's Checklist

So you've only gone and done it. You've gotten into college and now your whole entire life is about to change, probably for the better. Whether you really just don't have a clue as to what's around the corner, or you've just watched too many college movies and are in for a rude awakening, you can never really be all that prepared. Never fear, CT is here. Here's our ultimate college checklist:

1) An Ambitious Amount Of Condoms

You've got to make sure that Johnny has you covered so that when you decide to bump some bodies with that fine lookin' thang, you don't have to rediscover religion the morning after.

2) All Plastic Errythang.

They'll likely be the only thing, including yourself, that won't break down into tears or tiny pieces, when drinking.

3) Your Own Duvet

The true love of your life.

4) Your Entire Wardrobe

You're not going to wash your clothes, and you don't want to stink. No sock left behind.

5) A Hotplate

Just about anything can be made on a hot plate, if you're brave enough...(note: you will be)

6) More Pens Than You've Ever Seen

You lose yourself constantly, so you'll lose your pens.

7) Sleeping Bags

So that you don't have to sacrifice friendship by sacrificing part of your duvet to that scabby bastard that will consistently end up staying in your room. Mmmmmm, insulation.

8) Chargers Galore

They fall apart faster than your first relationship. *Tear*

9) Extension Cords

Extension cords extend friendship. Fact.

10) Cloth Baskets You'll Never Use

Stop pretending you'll be organised.

11) Cups You Clearly Stole From Home

You're too broke to have bought that mug yourself. You're not fooling anyone.

12) A Personal Whiteboard You'll Only Ever Draw Dicks On

What could've been a rainbow coloured study plan is now wall of creative dicks. Deal with it.

13) Post-Its You'll Simply Never Be Organised Enough To Use

What could've been full of useful notes have disappeared and you're failing to care.

14) Loads Of Bic Lighters

You'll lose them before you use them, and they're a great way to chat people up in the smoking area.

15) Shower Gel That'll Stay In The Bathroom For Years

Once used it'll be tossed in what will become the shampoo graveyard in the corner of your shower.

16) A Shitty Set Of Speakers You'll Come To Love

Just because you can't hear the words, doesn't mean it's not the balls of every party you have, ever.

17) Bubble Wrap

Everyone who had a childhood loves this shit. It's plastic heroin.

18) Bags Of Pasta That'll Keep You Alive

Boiling water is about the most you can do in the kitchen.

19) Kitchen Crap You'll Never Use

You've sponged off everyone far more than the sponges you bought.

20) A Pack Of Playing Cards You'll Lose And/Or Vomit On

Drinking games will seem like the coolest thing ever. Until you get sick. Everywhere.

21) A Kettle That'll Become The Definition Of Filth

You don't clean your room. You barely clean yourself. What makes you think you'll clean the kettle?

22) Enough Nurofen To Knock Out A Horse.

You'll have more hangovers than you thought was possible and better come prepared. #bringit

23) A Dressing Gown You'll Wear All The Time

No effort needed with this knee length bliss.

24) Industrial Amounts Of Coffee

You can never have enough, and never will.

25) Ice-Bags Because Ice Cubes Make You Look Cool

You're too broke for trays, but bags let you drink in style. #flawless

Jack Sargent
Article written by
Currently studying Law and trying to make sense of the great, big world we live in.

You may also like

Facebook messenger