I'm not really sure how coherent any thought is that you have in the morning, but here are the closest to things to the thoughts that make sense in guys heads in the morning.
"What, In The Name Of All That Is Holy, Is That Fucking Noise?!"
Your alarm has been going off for about 30 seconds and because you haven't woken up yet it's actually become part of your dream. Then when you do finally wake up, the confusion you feel is hard to put into words.
"Ten More Minutes"
Then you finally do realise what's going on, and you immediately reach for the snooze button. It's like a knee-jerk reaction.
"Stupid Morning Wood"
One of the most annoying things to deal with as a guy, it just gets in the way at this time of the day and is just generally uncomfortable.
"I Need To Pee"
One of the hardest internal debates you ever have to deal with; the uncomfortable feeling of having to pee vs. the extremely comfortable feeling of staying in bed.
"I'll Just Check My Phone First"
Eventually, you just ignore the problem, and check your phone to see if anything has happened on Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat in the 6 hours since you went to bed.
"Okay Now I Really Need To Pee"
You can't ignore the problem any longer and eventually get out of bed. Which is probably for the best because you should really have gotten up ten minutes ago.
"Peeing With Wood Is Really Hard" (Pardon The Pun)
It's still pointing in roughly the same direction, so why the hell is the steam coming out at that stupid angle?
"I Don't Need To Shave, Do I?"
This thought comes from the fact that you're running late. Plus you're not really trying to impress anyone during the day so it's kind of pointless anyway.
*Sniffs Armpit*... "I Probably Need A Shower Though"
Every guy has this thought, but whether he acts on it depends entirely on how late he actually is, and how pungent the stink is.
"I Wish My Mom Still Made My Lunch..."
And you also wish you had made it the night before. Obviously this doesn't apply to those lucky bast*rds who still live at home for college and their Mam still makes it for them. I still live at home, but my Mam would beat me out the door if I ever suggested this to her.
"Sh*t I'm Late! Definitely Need To Get Up Earlier Tomorrow"
But deep down you know that's just simply not going to happen, and you're going to stay up 'til 1am tonight watching Netflix or playing FIFA.