There's nothing like that familiar and very distinctive stab to the heart that you get when someone pays you a back handed compliment. Sometimes I take it for the good part of the compliment and just ignore the nasty bit, say if it's someone old or if the person has realised too late and looks embarassed. Usually though, I feel my face turn red as my brain grudgingly stores the negative thought to revisit at a later date.
Occasionally, I'll confront it- Well actually only really ever if it's my mother... Below is a list of some of the most common backhanded compliments I've been given, what is said and then what I actually hear- Maybe I'm over sensitive and a touch paranoid at times but not ALWAYS- What do you think, are you ever on the receiving end of any of these old chestnuts?
1. "Wow...That actually suits you!"
Because I was absolutely convinced your legs would look like two raw sausages.
2. "You look... cute!"
You look criminally uncool.
3. "That's cuuute!"
That's disgusting, you shouldn't be allowed out by yourself.
4. "You look so nice- you should dress up more often!"
You look mildly better than normal but still basic AF. What have you done, are you wearing clear mascara or something?
5. "Your top/bag/skirt is 'nice'!"
Nice. It's not nice, it's startled me how awful it is so now I need to say something.
6. "You're so strong, I don't know how you do it"
Your life is so shit, I would have killed myself.
7. "You look so good in photos!"
Lucky you, because I think you're horrendous looking in real life.
8. "You look amazing- I didn't recognise you!"
You look good, you normally look like a dirty old troll prostitute.
9. "You look good... for your age!"
So- people would be shocked that you know how to use an iPhone but you're not quite Rose from Titanic juuust yet.
10. "Your boyfriend is so hot! How did you get him?!"
He is so far out of your league- He's got to be either blind or riddled with learning difficulties. Which, or both, tell me now.
11. "You really made the most of college"
You fucked pretty much everyone, and I'm letting everyone know by the infuriating half- smirk on my face.
12. "You look so comfy!!"
You should not have left your house, you are basically in pyjamas. Put on a bra for Christ sake your low hanging tits are making me queasy.
13. "That's so great they let you do that! So much responsibility!"
I would never let you do that, I wouldn't even trust you to use scissors correctly.
14. "You've lost weight!"
You haven't lost any weight, if anything you've put some on! I'm just being a cruel bitch for fun.
15. "You're really not what I expected!"
Ha-ha I have all the cards, I'm going to leave your little head to figure out if I mean it in a positive or negative way.
16. "You love to talk!"
Christ alive- You never shut up. You REALLY need to stop, you're driving me to drink.
Video: Inside Amy Schumer - Compliments - Uncensored
Credit: Comedy Central