I'm not part of a couple and I think that's what makes me the perfect person to rant about this nonsense. Maybe you’re even part of the couple I’m a part of (and if you’re reading this I’m sorry, baby.) But it’s got to be said; though love is a wonderful thing, couples often aren’t. Here are the worst things about couples.
They think they’re one person
You can order separate plates of food, have your own social lives and watch different television and movies – I promise. Stop stoking the fires of individuality with your comfortable, static existence as being the “other half” of another person.
Couples that bicker in public
You’re way too comfortable with making everyone else uncomfortable. And you wonder why we never invite you out to places other than large nightclubs where we don't have to deal with your bull anymore.
They always have to sit together
The worst of this is couples who sit on the same side of the table together. Disconnect your bodies for one meal, I promise it will be okay. You shouldn’t need to sit together everywhere.
You intrigue me. I mean, you disgust me. Save that shit for the bedroom... Or better yet don't do it.
They have weird inside jokes
That I honestly couldn't give a shit about...
Their happiness is disgusting
Ughhh. Stop looking at each other with stupid eyes. You’re making everyone around you ill...
They’re probably just going to break up anyway
Most couples get together because they’re infatuated and think they’re in love when it’s really just their hormones playing with their emotions. Don’t jump head-on into a relationship with just any hot chick with that fucked up look in her eye.
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