The 15 Personas That Inhabit The Library

Exam time rolls around yet again. To be fair we all go a bit loopy but some people just take to extreme. Behold, the freaks you will encounter on campus around exams.

1) The Minger

Baggy eyes, dark circles, unwashed hair, blemishes, pimples and spots. Their brows, legs and nether regions haven't seen a blade in so long they're starting to resemble Chewbacca. The thing is, they just don't give a shit.

2) The Comfort Eater


Cravings - We all get them, but the comfort eater will take it further than most. Chicken fillet rolls for snacks and they have a never ending supply of food that make the most annoying noises you will possibly have to endure throughout the duration of your library life. Either you put that packet of biscuits away or you give me one, now.

3) The Caffeine Addict

Let's be honest, they're everywhere. Clues to their whereabouts can be established by the stacks of mugs that have compiled themselves around their books and coffee stains on their notes. If you live with one, the bin will be full of empty Redbull cans and the fridge will be packed with energy bars. For the most of us, without these, we'd be F*cked..

4) The Sleeper


We admire, and hate them at the same time. We admire them for being that ballsy and also envy them lying face down at their desk sleeping while you have to carry on and deal with the excruciating pain of trying to finish that 1 question you've been doing for the passed 45 minutes. Their ability to sleep in any situation or position has to be applauded. But still..

5) The Superstitious One

Their mum has lit a candle for them. The Christian in them has been reborn and they're now adamant all is saved. False, no burning ball of wax is going to save you if you haven't done anything. Sorry, not sorry.

6) The Magician


The Houdini of exams. You never know where this person is in the library, no matter how hard you search. They have crawled into a black hole of notes, folders and powerpoint slides and the only time you will be graced with their presence is in the exam hall. Where have they been? No one will ever know.

7) The Neat Freak

This person will do anything if it means avoiding study. Their room will be spotless, their clothes will be ironed and immaculately folded, and ironically their desk will be perfectly set up in preparation of some serious study time. However, this is not the case. Good job, you may be failing but at least all your socks match.

8) The Stationary Guru


This person will always have an ample supply of pens, dividers, flash cards and whatever else they believe will benefit them throughout the exam period. They do not help, you will still fall to your ultimate fate of procrastination. You're done with college now, art is the future.

9) The Fraper

So you've ran off to the loo and return to your desk to discover you've got 3 nipples, a baby on the way, or some form of sexually transmitted disease (hopefully all lies for your sake). Quick, let's applaud them for their quick witt and marvelous originality..

10) The Updater


There's always one. Do we need to know "You're F*cked"? No. Do we need to know your cat died and you're now currently in a further state of depression? Definitely not. Are you really going to become a stripper because you're that stressed? Probably not, but if you do go down that path please don't hesitate give us a call and let us know how that goes for you.

11) The Freak Out

They will grill you as bad as your own mother, and question every second thing that has to do with the exams. These people will inevitably ruin your day, if not week. Avoid these evil beings, at all costs.

12) The Cool, Calm & Collected


Ok, so not to be mistaken for the 'I Don't Give a Sh*t' crowd, these people are so laid back they're verging on being horizontal. They study, they get through it, they do well, and they've managed to go through it all without one gasp or one sigh of hopelessness. We envy you, please teach us your ways.

13) The Day Dreamer

This person concentrates on the future more than the present. They give themselves the title of being the optimistic of the group. The dull existence of a final year student does not appeal to them anymore. Endless lists are made outlining their summer schedule and all the necessities to certify the next 4 months are nothing but totes amazeballs. Good luck with that, we hope the repeats are just as enjoyable.

14) The Music Whore


It doesn't matter what track it is, the volume at which they play it makes it 10 times worse. How can they study? Are they deaf? Please lead the vicinity and take your sh*t music with you. 

15) The Porn Fiend

Clearly this guy didn't do any work.

Sarah Finegan

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