It's not all fun and games when it comes to playing sports at University. Whether you're on the egg and spoon team or the soccer team, here's a look at all the fun peeps you're bound to find on EVERY college sports team...
1. The Scholarshippers
First off, you have the lads and lasses on sports scholarships who really take their shizzle seriously- right down to tying their shoe laces and pre game rituals that they complete with a zeal that would rival even the most pious Catholic woman. You'll spot them a mile away- lean, mean fighting machines. And thank God too- because we sort of need one person who has some idea of what they're doing to keep us in the league long enough to get to intervarsities.
2. The Brick Shit Houses
Every sport has some level of risk involved when it comes to injuries- I'm assuming rugby is a little more injury prone than badminton- but one thing is certain, there's always that one person who would give the Hulk a run for their money when it comes to pain threshold. They're sort of like a tank. You know they get hurt. Battered, even. But they'll always battle on, gaping wounds and all.
3. The Messers
This may be you, or half your team for that matter. The Messer's eyes aren't really focused on the prize, or anything else, even. You sometimes wonder why they joined the team in the first place. Oh, that's right. To skip lectures. They're really just here to cause a ruckus- or have fun, depending on your point of view.
4. The Naturals
That player on your team who has no idea that they're actually super, ridiculously good. And not just 'yeah, I guess they're alright', kind of way. This kid could be Lionel Messi's cousin's nephew five times removed. If only they were aware of their talent. *sigh*
5. The "Cool" Coach
This guy thinks he's hilarious and 'down with the kids', cracking tragically unfunny Dad jokes left, right and centre. He tries to be your friend by referencing Justin Bieber or One Direction but he only leaves you cringing with every word that leaves his mouth.
6. The "Dad Coach"
*Sigh* The poor girl who's father it is cringes with every bollard and cone that gets set down. The rest of you think he's actually not all that bad, but the fact that she's dying on the inside makes you want to tease the hell out of her.
7. The "Other" Dad Coach
The one who doesn't actually know the rules of the game, let alone have the skills necessary to manage a full squad of players. He most likely got lost on the way to an over forties yoga session. In this case, the responsibility is usually thrust onto your captain, who turns into a Nazi like leader running you into the ground. Watching the Premier League in the pub the odd Sunday makes this coach think he's got coaching down to a tee. He doesn't.
8. The "All Star Coach"
Thinks he's God's gift to the sporting world. He can't get over why he's wasting his unearthly talents on a college team when he should really be the Head Honcho at Manchester City. This guy means business- brandishing his FAI jacket at every training session like it's a heroic coat of arms. He'll make you run until your lungs are inhaling fire and you're so lightheaded you swear you've died and gone to heave. Or hell. Turns out the blinding bright lights are just the floodlights.