In some ways being in your 20's proves to be the best time of your life, you've finally grown up enough to make your own choices, but are still young enough to be pretty irresponsible, full of adventure and can finally get your lifelong dreams and plans underway. Growing up, I remember looking at people in their 20's, which, at the time seemed ancient, and wondering what I'd be like at that age, thinking that it'd never really roll around. When you're young and naive, you swear that you're not going to do x, y and x when you reach your twenties. Sadly, it doesn't quite turn out that way. Here are the things I swore I wouldn't do in my 20's, read on and discover if you too have failed yourself.
1) Stay In School
School, primary school in particular, was never my idea of fun. To put it mildly, I fucking hated it, so if you had told me at seven years of age that I'd be in full time education until the age of 23, I think I'd have broken down into huge, tsunami like, oceans of tears. My baby infants teacher failed to mention to us that in order to do pretty much anything in this life, you must dedicate a quarter of it to learning. But hey, it gets better. At least in college you're (mainly) studying things that interest you.
2) Be Car Free
I distinctly remember being young and telling my parents that I was going to learn how to drive the minute I was of age. In reality, I'm almost 24 and have yet to obtain my provisional licence. Look, life got in the way. Also, as cars are really expensive, my plan is to just stay in cities where it's acceptable not to drive and never go home to the country, where I'm ridiculed by 11 year old's cruising around in tractors. Little fuckers.
3) Spend Every Weekend Hungover
Who else used to think that drunk adults were hilarious? Who else used to think that 'sick' adults the next morning were the best ones to annoy? Being hungover looked like shit craic and was something I swore would never happen to me. So yes, that went well. I have spent far too much time with my head down the toilet, eating Panadol and orange juice for dinner and wondering what I'm doing with my life.
4) Live At Home
For all of the angst ridden teenagers out there hating their parents and pretty much everything else in life, just be reassured by the fact that you'll probably end up living with them until you're 25. "No fucking way, I'm leaving when I'm 18." Not when you see the cost of rent love. Ohhhhhhhhhhh shit one.
5) Work A Shit Job
It's all so easy to dream of leaving school and walking straight into your dream job. Sadly, from my experience and the experiences of pretty much everyone else I know, that's all it is. A dream. If you too are a normal person, you'll have to spend a few formative years pulling pints for pissheads, waiting on wankers and cleaning up after cu..lovely people. Look on the bright side though, you'll gain so much patience and will be oh so grateful when you finally do land a job that you love.
6) Be Drunk In Front Of My Parents
To me, there's something so mortifying about being pissed in front of your parents. Sure, it's not like they don't know that you enjoy a few social ones from time to time, but still, it's like they're finally seeing you for what you really are. A blubbering, wailing, dancing idiot. At least they'll know how much you love them...
7) Be Pathetically Poor
Unless you grew up in severe wealth or severe poverty, money was probably not a key factor in your life. Until you hit adulthood and quickly realised that it did not in fact, grow on trees. Who knew? If you spent a large portion of your young life thinking that money would be easy and that you'd be a rich twenty something, then welcome to the real world. Euro Two is to the left, Lidl to the right.
8) Become A Daytime Nap Enthusiast
I was always one of those children who dreaded going to bed at night, a classic night owl. I never saw the appeal of naps or early nights and I used to envy the adults staying up late. Now that I'm all old and stuff, the only thing that gets me through the week is the thoughts of getting back to sleep. There aren't enough hours in the day for sleep.
9) Depend On Alcohol For Fun
Clubbing always sounded so appealing to me, who wouldn't want to wear glitter and glow sticks and dance for five hours? What could make that more fun? A magic potion of sweet and delicious liquid perhaps? Nah. What kind of a saddo would depend on alcohol to have fun? Well, young and judgmental me, have you ever tried to dance sober? I have, once. It was an uncomfortable experience to say the least.
10) Stay In One Place For Very Long
The world is filled with fascinating people, places and things to see and do, so naturally, as a small, innocent child, you can't wait to get out there and experience these things for yourself. In your mind, nothing will stop you, you're going to be one of those adventurous, sightseeing, fun loving travelers. Until you get to your twenties and discover that you're broke as fuck and have no money, not even enough money for a pissy last minute flight to Manchester. Rock bottom is when you haven't been anywhere more exotic than Achill Island for the past year and you begin to realise that the only sightseeing you'll be doing for the next wee while is via The National Geographic.